Is lying a part of your relationship? Are you eager to move past the lies to a more trusting partnership? This is the first of several posts that will deal with lies and rebuilding trust in relationships impacted by ADHD.
Chances are, you’ve heard that tone of voice. The one that sounds demeaning to you…aggressive…just short of an insult and a put down…the tone that puts your teeth on edge.
Chances are also good that you’ve not only heard it, but used it yourself…and your partner hates it.
Your mindset can make all the difference when you are in a relationship with an ADHD partner.
I want to share a note from the spouse of an ADHD partner who, after discovering ADHD was a factor in his crumbling marriage, decided to try to be more open to his wife's 'way of being' and experiences.
ADHD, like so many things that people go through, exists on a continuum from more intense to less intense, and in addition, there are different types. There are those who are Inattentive (and may appear to be spacey), and those who are hyperactive/ impulsive, and those who are both at the same time. No two individuals with ADHD show up the same way.
Being in an ADHD-impacted relationship can feel lonely, so sharing information and getting support from loved ones and close friends can really help the healing process. But how to broach the subject?
All of us have bad days sometimes…even bad months or longer. I’m having one right now that has to do with my negative feelings about the impact of my husband’s job in our lives. The problem is, my responses are making things worse. As always, you can learn from my mistakes - in this case about how NOT to approach your partner.
I regularly hear from successful adults with ADHD - particularly men - that though they experience success at work they worry that they still don't feel successful. In fact, they feel as if they have others 'fooled' and that some day they may be discovered as a fraud. A marriage tip reader recently wrote me to ask "what's at the root of this? I often feel this way but can't pinpoint why..." As I've talked with adults in counseling about this issue I believe it has to do with the inconsistency of ADHD.
Do you fight over whether or not you agreed to something in the past? Or perhaps you're a non-ADHD partner frustrated that your ADHD partner doesn't seem to remember your conversations? If so, I would like to suggest a simple solution that will help you avoid these fights.
