A personal story from arwen about dealing with stress and making adjustments with ADHD as changes occur in a marriage.

Over the last couple of years 416 people in marriages affected by ADHD have answered our survey about their experiences and feelings.  One of the questions we asked was “What gives you the greatest pleasure in your relationship?”  I share these responses because too often worn-out posters suggest that there are no positives to be found in ADHD-affected relationships.  Next week, I’ll share pleasures from the perspective of the ADD spouses married to non-ADD spouses.

Ned Hallowell likes to say that ADD is a “gift that’s hard to unwrap”.  Frankly, I’m not sure how I feel about the “gift” idea – instead I tend to think of ADD as something that can be “sweet and sour”.  When a person with ADD is in what I think of as “good alignment” (or perhaps their “sweet spot”) life can be very sweet.  But when it’s sour everything can be awful! 

If you are in a marriage in which one spouse has ADHD and the other does not, I will guarantee you that you are both even more different than you think.  Your brains works differently, you experience the world around you differently, and you interpret information differently.  By understanding how, you can avoid common communication errors that lots of “mixed” couples make as well as learn to treasure your unique abilities.

I have read a couple of posts recently that have noted that reading all of the posts in the forum makes people frightened for the future of their relationship with a person with ADD.  “Do we have a chance?” these people ask.  The answer, unequivocally, is YES!  Let me share one of these posts, which I think really clearly states many of the issues in ADD relationships, and then tell you why and how I think this couple can (and will) succeed.