You’ve just discovered that your partner is having an emotional or physical affair.  This revelation has been a kick in the gut – the emotional pain is intense and confusing.  You feel angry, volatile, are in intense pain, and perhaps feel panicked and fearful. Your partner’s response to these feelings seems inadequate, at best.  How do you traverse this new territory?

Statistics about how many couples are impacted by one or more emotional or physical affairs are hard to believe, for obvious reasons, not least of which is that estimates vary so widely.  They range from 20-60% of men and 20-40% of women having an affair at some point in their relationship.  No matter the exact number, the bottom line is that a large number of couples experience this form of betrayal at some point in their partnership, often after that affair has been going on for a while. 

A woman wrote me recently explaining that her ADHD husband had announced that he didn't love her, and possibly never had.  She is in the middle of a much-needed reset of her own non-ADHD behaviors - anger, belittling and the like, saying that reading my book made her reassess her own behaviors and that she was actively trying to improve herself with therapy and other hard work.  They have children, and she asks the very important question of "how do I get him to give us another chance?"

I know what it’s like to be a non-ADD spouse and discover that you no longer like yourself.  Many here have the same problem – they have struggled so long, and are so exhausted, that they can no longer find the core of who they are. I would like to share with you my own story of how I moved from disliking myself back to “being me” as well as provide some ideas for change that may help you.