What’s it like when both partners have ADHD in a relationship? Is it different from when only one has ADHD? Are there other resources we need to know about? Are there different challenges? These are questions I get regularly and would like to answer here.
One comment I hear over and over again from non-ADHD spouses is their frustration that "we go through the same problems over and over again. Nothing ever seems to change!" There is a reason for this, as well as a way to interrupt this pattern.
Ari Tuckman, author of the recently released "More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD" has generously written a blog post for this site about some of his take on ADHD and marriage. I include the post below:
Are you angry that your ADD spouse is able to focus on something of great interest to him, and not to anything you want him to do (like the dishes, or childcare)? If so, you would not be alone.
If you are in a marriage in which one spouse has ADHD and the other does not, I will guarantee you that you are both even more different than you think. Your brains works differently, you experience the world around you differently, and you interpret information differently. By understanding how, you can avoid common communication errors that lots of “mixed” couples make as well as learn to treasure your unique abilities.
I know no one who loves household chores, but if you have ADHD the chores can move from drudgery to an impossibility. Here's why it's hard for both spouses and what you can do about it:
