Hi all,

I've been reading stuff on this site for over a year but this is my first post. I have a partner who has self-diagnosed himself with ADD (not with a test or anything,he just says he has it), but his therapist didn't diagnose him, and a psychiatrist that we went to together said his symptoms point to anxiety rather than ADHD/ADD. So I don't know who to believe. In the beginning of our relationship I gave him the benefit of the doubt and that's why I went on sites like this and others, to be able to support and help him to the best of my ability. However I increasingly feel that his ADD self-diagnosis is just his way of justifying his shortcomings and misdeeds, without actually sincerely wanting to learn about himself and see how he can improve and manage things better. He has a tendency to assign blame externally and absolve himself of responsibility and accountability, and I think this ADD thing might be part of that. (side note: he also has sometimes said that he either currently has, used to have, or thinks he has, one or more of the following at various times in our relationship: OCD, autism, bipolar, borderline, major depression, general anxiety, social anxiety, panic disorder, and others. His story changes over time and I don't think he has ever actually been diagnosed with any of those except for general anxiety). For some time I suspected him to have some kind of Munchausen-like thing, but it didn't quite fit the bill. Then lately I came across the term Vulnerable/Covert/Hypersensitive Narcissist, and he scored really high on the test for that, but for some reason got upset and refused to add it to his list of potential diagnoses. I feel like a bad partner because the word "narcissist" is associated with so much stigma it's basically just like insulting him, and I hate upsetting him and I know he gets upset super easily and I knew that by sharing this information with him it would upset him, but I did it anyway. But I do think it's a strong possibility.

The problem is, during this lockdown obviously we can't go see a therapist, but even outside of lockdown, we're too broke to afford a specialist and after losing our jobs due to covid, even for regular therapy now. So getting a second professional opinion is out of the question. How can I get through to him that he needs to be honest with himself and with me (and his therapist), and work on his shortcomings/manage his limitations/teach me how to best support him? And is there a way I can tell if he likely has any of those conditions or more likely not? I'm at my wits end here.