When we got married, my husband and I were 22 years old. I never minded a little fun with video games every once in a while for myself. Growing up with 3 computer addicted siblings, I had developed a "moderation in everything" attitude. My husband knew before we got married how much I wasn't into guys that plugged themselves into machines for hours of recreational time. In fact, I was totally turned off by it. He was conveniently not one of "those guys" while we were dating. We're 11 years down the road, 4 kids later. Naturally, being he is easily distracted by many things to the detriment of our relationship, I have come to loathe many video games, especially anything my husband parks himself in front of. Gah! There's nothing admirable about seeing someone's head 4 ft. from the computer with a blank look on their face as they fiddle away with a controller every day. The hours he has spent plugged in, requiring me to drag him off to help have left me exhausted and very ticked off. It's not my job to regulate him, but he's all I've got to do the job requirements he picked up when he became a husband and father. He gets this, "This is who I am" attitude. Well, goodness. What about who I am and was before we were married? I'm STILL that person, but stuck with the affects of his problem now. What if the tables were turned? He'd resent being the one doing chores, taking care of kids, trying to rope me in for help, and trying to sleep to the sound of my video game controller clicking. And that's not the only sound if he's not using his headset. You know how many times I've woken up between 2 and 4 A.M. because my husband is yelling at his teammates on an online first person shooter game? The kids complain about it, too. On school nights. And don't get me started about the fact that he's playing gory games in front of our kids despite my futile efforts to prevent that.
You know what the irony is? He's happy and more able to manage his ADD when he isn't plugging into things like video games. It's like he's adding to the chaos in his mind when he plays, not to mention that he is also slapping a ball and chain to it at the same time.
It's the same thing for everything with him. He rationalizes reasons to head right back to the rut that gets him into trouble over and over again. Once he's there, he's not up for listening to reason. "Video games help me to relieve stress." "It's my hobby." "You should play, too." Yea, that response makes me want to never play another video game in my life. And I haven't in years. The worst reaction I get when I'm trying to appeal for change is, "This is who I am. I don't see why you think this is a problem." In fact, it is that delusion that fuels the vicious cycle of his ADD treatment from starting, running, slacking, finally to failing. His bum has to hit rock bottom before he'll see he's got to start back over again. He cycles around and around and around. He is 90% unaware of himself, leading to a state of delusion. Instead of having ADD, ADD is becoming him.
