When my spouse first asked me on a date 32 years ago, I was in awe.  I could not believe he wanted to take me out.  He was tall, blue eyed, and handsome.  I was shy, awkward, and disliked myself intensely.  Our first date was to an expensive dinner theatre.  On the way, he talked about his life.  He was engaged to someone else - but not FORMALLY, as in 'no ring yet' - and he wanted to make some new friends (That was me - the new friend.)

He said - she said.  To this day he insists he never said the word engaged. 

When my spouse asked me to marry him, I said  'No.' Several times.  I insisted I had many hang-ups, was still in counseling, and I was very afraid he would not like 'me' when I was finished.  He was persistent, and after a while, I wavered, and said, 'Yes.'  

I spent lots of years in awe of my situation.  Wow, he actually asked me to marry him.  Wow, he actually married me.  Wow, he actually is staying married to me.

32 years later, he does not appear to like me.  He does not appear to like that I have an opinion.  He does not like that I do not bend to his ever demand.  He does not like that I stick to my guns.  He is mostly always mad at me.  After 10 years of trying to make room for me in our marriage, I drew the line.  Three years of trying to get the man I married to allow room in our relationship for me.   Three years of pounding my head against the wall. Three years of him being angry at me - because we no longer have any intimacy.  I guess it died once I realized it was not the 'Husband and Wife Show', but rather the 'Husband with the Wife Who Always Agrees with Him Show.' 

I have a mess of a marriage.  After countless attempts at counseling, I really perceive it is time to let the old cat die.