I don't know if any other ADHD spouses have this problem as well.  I recently discovered through a near separation from my husband that I had actually neglected my dreams the past few years mainly to focus on our relationship, taking care of him (which is 24 hr job), and looking after his goals and needs.  While doing all that I left my art dreams behind, stopped making art, became anxious in the chaos most the time and also depressed.  We recently almost split up and I once again started doing my art, thinking about my dreams, and goals again...well, we decided to give it one more shot.  Hes decided to get testing for ADHD and go to marriage counseling even if he "doesn't believe in it" because he wants to continue to try for the marriage.  I guess my thing is...I was actually starting to feel better, doing my art goals and working on my dreams,  now I feel good in a sense, i mean its not the end of my marriage, but I also feel like oh my, here we go again, the rollercoaster, the chaos, the cleaning!  I just pray that I don't loose focus on my own dreams.  Sometimes, I hate the feeling of loss of control as well.  I mean with one person I can easily plan, I want to do this next year etc., but this two, I really never know what hes going to be up to next.  Anyways, thanks for letting me share.

-artsygal