I'm a newbie but I have learned a wealth of information here and I thank you all for sharing.  My Husband and I who have been together for sixteen years and married for seven, we separated two years ago due to my fine investigative skills and women's intuition. Needless to say he went on a "date" which he still calls a hangout because he said our relationship was over in his eyes.  So I threw him out and six weeks later I found out he was on Match.com and everywhere else actively dating while we were separated.  We continued to be intimate with each other because we felt safe with each other (I don't believe he was having sex because I know his problems with sexual intimacy) and then I found out I was pregnant again.  We had a ten year old  at the time.  He never apologized or asked to come back home but he just kind of moved back in.  Of course I was vulnerable; pregnant and being a single parent for a while I was just desperate to get my family back together and he seemed like he really wanted us to be together.  So all of this hurt and betrayal built up in me and after the baby was born, May 2010, I began drinking heavily again.  But this time it got worse......Although my drinking returned,  I take care of my girls, work full time, working on my second degree and I am trying to launch two businesses and finish my book.   This time women's intuition really hit me hard and I saw all the signs:  increased interest in his body, working out after work every night (never could commit to working out in sixteen years), complaining about how he has no clothes, etc...So I visited the old POF.com and there he was in all his glory.......single and searching for a long term relationship.  He said he didn't care that I had found it and once again the relationship was dead any way.  He said he would live in the house until he could find  a place and do whatever he pleased.  Needless to say, he was kicked out the day before Thanksgiving!  So we're still intimate and he's out there dating (living with mom again) and I'm crying profusely every hour.  So my Doctor gave me a referral to work on my own issues which I won't get into but that is the book I'm working on.  So I visited my divorce attorney last week and Psychologist yesterday and we're going over my life and we get to the present.  I told her I think he's going through a mid-life crisis and she says no he has ADHD and she asked me lots of questions and I was like Eureka.  I know I need to let him go because he has no boundaries and cannot finish a project around the house to save his life. He blames me for everything and as of late started calling me a drunk every night and constantly tells me I am the cause of him resorting to dating sites and the failure of our marriage.  He says I am the selfish one.  What do you do with this?  Can I ever expect him to set and abide by boundaries? It seems he wants his family but also his other life and I just can't do this to myself anymore.  I believe in marriage and I took an oath before God, but infidelity I just cannot get through again, whether sexual or not. Again, I am working on my issues and praying a lot and I guess I have a tiny glimmer of hope that a miracle will happen.......yet I feel it may really be over this time.  But then I find out I was right all these years and he raelly needs help.  Any thoughts or advice?  Thanks!