I am not ready to handle his ADHD,I am not ready to handle his mood swings,I am never ready for his depressions and anger...but I want his love...I need his love...he is so charming,sweet and very kind loving,yet very arrogant,inconsiderate,selfish and bad minded,What shall I do with this crazy love that is in front of me.I am very damn,damn to be put in this strenuous position at this time in my life,when I should have the life I deserve with a caring loving passionate husband,but I end up having the good,bad and the ugly out of marriage.

HATE:, I hate to have to go through this at this time in my life, when I should be happy and joyful,not crying or sad,I should have support and comfort,not bullied or mistreated for things that I did not do,or things that I did right,or correct or even wrong at times....

CONFUSING:, my heart is in a place of hunger,I hunger for commitment,I want love,I crave respect from that someone ,,and I would only have a glare of what could have been or what should have been.I find myself searching in him for something I would never get,something I would never see,maybe I can,but it would take a lifetime of tears and confusion before I get it..by that time I would be dead.

HAPPINESS:,I am still in a glaze and hope of that happiness with him, that would only seem like a lifetime to come,but never leaves me..I am hopeful,but it only last a a few days,never a full month or week..

DEAD:,I am dead,dead inside,I don't know if I would be able to love again,I am so scared,scared to be alone,scared to move on to the next,scared of what else other than ADHD that could be worse.

TRUST:,He has me very uncomfortable,I have to learn to trust him and I can't,he is so flirtatious with women even right in front of me that I am paranoid by it...I would lose my mind if I don't hear from him for  a evening,and really I should not worry,worry should come after the fact...

KEEPING MYSELF TOGETHER:,I can't,I can't keep myself together,I am trying but I can't,I would love to move on and find my days without him and I can't......

lovehurts....