The basic progression in the forum here is to find it when in terrible pain, post about that pain, get lots of feedback (helpful and not), work on your relationship (sometimes for years) and resolve.  One resolution is to leave your partner.  Another is to stay and create a happy relationship.  If you are one of the people who has repaired your relationship and sees success, consider paying everyone here back by staying a bit involved with the site and posting about your positive experiences.  People here need to hear from those who are successful in their efforts - yet success and happiness lead many to stop visiting and posting.  Thanks to Aspen for recently jumping in about the now happy state of her relationship...I urge others, over time, to do the same.  I thank you in advance for your contributions!