In the 3 months I've known my boyfriend it's become increasingly apparent that he probably has ADHD. Whoever here said ADHD people think of time in terms of "now" and "not now" helped me a great deal. Just saw him again after being out of touch nearly a month, during which I was a mess, wondering whether he was gone for good. He was just busy and we're fine.
History: We met in an impulsive moment. I was standing at a bus stop when he drove by and smiled. I smiled back. A few minutes later he came back around, stopped his car, reached out his hand and said, “You’re beautiful. I’d like to take you out sometime.” Normally I would have thanked the man for the compliment, wished him well and waved him away. But this guy was something else. Gorgeous, beautiful eyes with a sincere gaze, smile that could light up a room. I clasped his hand and knew I wanted to feel more of his energy. We exchanged phone numbers and started talking and texting. The next morning he wanted to stop by on the way to work but I thought that was a bit too quick and said let’s get together in a couple of days. So we did, long walk on a nature trail getting to know each other. Both single and very much alone for several years, similar core values and outlook on life. Electrifying sexual attraction. We became intimate several days after that and he’s the best lover (of many before my self-imposed years of celibacy) I’ve ever had or could imagine: always exciting and creative, passionate yet kind and gentle and concerned about my happiness.
He’s a former pro athlete sidelined due to an injury, now has his own business. He also coaches a high school team. I’m a self-employed writer and editor working from home but also have a part-time job to help with expenses since clients don’t always pay on time.
The ADHD stuff: His phone died, he lost my numbers, he says he’ll call later in the day but doesn’t. I’ve come to understand this is because he works until exhausted, then falls asleep. So I text good morning the next day. And then sometimes don’t hear from him for a week or two. Sometimes he seems really depressed, like life will fall apart if he doesn’t resolve a money issue. He texts or calls when he wants to see me, and he always wants to see me immediately. There was progress today because we planned two hours ahead, LOL. We don’t go out because he says he likes to stay at home. He says I’ll see his house someday but I haven’t yet. (I depend on public transportation. He has a car but lives half an hour away and is always worried about having enough gas money.) He visits me at my apartment but we’ve never shared a meal (although I’m a great cook and have invited him several times) or spent the night together because he’s always on the move.
The sex and conversations we share are wonderful and we’re becoming good friends. Communication in person is excellent. He called me “love” and said I was his girlfriend from the first time we held hands. We agreed to be exclusive and I have no doubt he’s faithful. About six weeks ago when I could tell he was having trust issues, I pledged my unconditional love, friendship and support for helping him become the man he wants to be. That opened him up and little by little he’s telling me his life story, family issues (mom very ill with cancer, bratty little sister, etc.) and hopes for the future.
I understand that he can’t plan ahead, he may be out of touch longer than I would like, money issues sometimes mystify him, and I have to depend on other friends when I want to go out and be social. But this is such a special man, and he treats me like a combination goddess/best friend when we’re together.
Interesting side issue: I’m 65 and he looks like he’s in his late 30s. But I’m young for my age -- good genes and work out a lot -- and he’s mature in a lot of ways that count, hardworking and truly concerned for others. The age issue has never come up so I have no idea how old he thinks I am. I do know he doesn’t have or want children of his own – mentoring teens satisfies his parenting drive – and that’s fine because I’m childless and past the age to conceive.
I plan to continue the relationship despite what I perceive to be his ADHD issues. I doubt he knows he probably has this condition since he doesn’t believe in doctors or prescriptions unless to save a life. So I’m here for feedback, advice and future support. Any input would be most welcome. Thanks!!!
