I'd like to know how many other people with spouses who have ADHD, have this issue: Work vs. them ONLY doing things they "want" to do......and even combining the two. I'll use an example. My husband has hyperactive ADHD, and I also believe there are co-morbid conditions, but not sure which ones yet. He's always been on the go......nonstop......even when he's "WORKING". BUT, most of his "work" (the work he does in his office at home) is stuff he invents and "makes up" to do. It's not work that MUST be done. I appreciate that he wants to try to do things to make more money, but these "work things" he invents never much go anywhere. By sheer volume and number of hours ALONE, we should be millionaires ten times over by now. He has spent hundreds and now.....thousands...of hours on music things trying to make money. If he had spent even a tiny FRACTION of that time ACTUALLY WORKING around the house and doing things that really NEEDED to be done, we've have the best looking house on the block AND have all paperwork, taxes, mail, phone calls, ETC...COMPLETELY DONE. He does finish most of these music things....unlike all the UNFINISHED PROJECTS around the house, but they aren't musical songs or items that are NEEDED and/or what music companies are actually looking for. He IS very talented musically, and he is a genius with his KNOWLEDGE of music, but he isn't translating that into viable products.
The one big thing that holds him back musically is that he doesn't have the natural GIFT of music, to where music is in his HEART and SOUL. He is someone who LEARNED music, and knows it in his head, but it isn't in his heart. I am a musician who's music has always come from my heart and soul, and I've never been able to separate the two. I don't have as much book knowledge as he does in music, but when we both perform, the difference is obvious. I play with feeling from my heart, and he plays from having "learned" the songs in his head and from knowing music. I play with my emotions and feelings, and actually PLAY MY FEELINGS into the piano. My husband's never been able to do that on his instrument. Many people have told me they hear this difference. He used to have a band and played weekends for cash and that was a big plus for us. Where we live now, there isn't much call for his type of music, or what he does.
Anyway, when he does have household things that MUST be done, he gets all flustered and overwhelmed: LIKE.... make a phone call, and mail a letter, and pick up something from the store. If it's two or more things he gets SO FLUSTERED...constantly repeating...."There's SO MUCH TO BE DONE"...."There's so much to be done"...over and over again. When it would only take a few minutes or an hour to do all the things he just SAID. NO BIG DEAL. Most of the time HE HAS the time to do it, but he spends so much time on this "other stuff", that it takes up all his time.
He won't do the things he's obsessing over, but then go up to his office and spend 6 or 8 MORE HOURS on music stuff.....which AGAIN...doesn't have to be done. But, the OTHER THINGS he's obsessing over...REALLY DO NEED TO GET DONE. So, why is he spending SO MUCH TIME just working on what he "wants" to do instead of what he really NEEDS to do. Is this once again typical ADHD? or just avoidance stuff? or both? I guess it's also a FOCUS thing too, right?
He does work his regular job as a music professor, but the past couple years even THAT'S been suffering because he's just not "into it", and he's not getting enough students to have a full music department. But, God forbid he ever lose this job, because we would be sunk.....literally.
So, I was just wondering if any of the rest of you deal with this as well.
