ADHD & Marriage Weekly Tip - September 10, 2015

Quote of the Week

Your Worries

I haven’t read this book.  But I thought the quote was an interesting twist on the standard ‘positive thinking’ advice we often hear.  And it reminds me of all of those research studies that show that we often think bad things are going to happen to us (ex: our plane might crash) when it’s highly unlikely they actually will.

Bad things probably do happen in your relationship.  But what I find is that anxiety around anticipating those problems makes them much worse.  In fact, anxiety about what might be coming your way can actually create problems that didn’t exist before.

This used to happen in my relationship, for example, when I became anxious that my husband wouldn’t hear what I wanted him to hear, and therefore made my voice more stern or louder.  That, in turn, shut him down – ensuring that he wouldn’t hear me!  All because I was anxious before a word came out of my mouth!

If only I had been thinking that things wouldn’t have been as bad as I had anticipated they might be, and given him the benefit of the doubt.  Because when I didn’t use that tone of voice, he usually did hear what I was saying.  Which isn’t to say he agreed with it, but listening is the starting point for all negotiations.

For Parents of Children with ADHD - Check out the Back To School Week by ImpactADHD, Sept 21-25.

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

© 2015 Melissa Orlov