“Energy invested (in a relationship) in the past doesn’t promise a return in the future.  When deciding if a relationship should continue, look at the value it brings to the present and the predicted value in the future, not the investments already made.” - Lisa Arends, author of “Lessons from the End of a Marriage”

“I’ve worked so hard on this relationship!” I hear, with some frequency.  The (unspoken) rest of the sentence is “…so everything should be fixed by now!”  Sadly, this isn’t the way relationships work for several reasons:

• You might have been spinning your wheels – to move forward, both partners must be participating in change.  One partner cannot do it alone, no matter how much energy has been invested.
• You might have been ‘trying harder’ (i.e. doing the same things that don’t work, only more so) rather than ‘trying differently’ (i.e. using strategies shown to help couples impacted by ADHD)
• Sometimes the very effort one expends makes things worse, such as when a non-ADHD partner starts to nag to get an ADHD partner to do things

So energy expended in the past does not indicate what should happen today or in the future.  Instead, look at your shared dreams and look at whether or not you are poised to have some wonderful todays.  This will help you keep up the stamina needed for today’s investment of energy and the building of your best future together.

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