My DH lost is dad last October and has realized that his dad was his enabler his whole life.  My DH is now lost and knows that he needs to learn how to handle his life by himself.  We have been married 8 years and are in our early 50's so no youngsters here.  I find myself very frustrated that he can't seem to get a handle on his life.  He is seeming a counselor and does well with the sessions, but not at home.  We were supposed to write down 5 things that we would like our spouse to work on.  That was 3 weeks ago...I have done mine....but he hasn't done his. 

I work outside the house and he "works" at home.  He has made very little money this year and without the sale of his dad's house, we would probably be homeless.  I am working 37.5 hours a week and have RA, OA, and nerve damage.  He has Menieres, ADD, and anxiety.  I just realized that the reason I am so frustrated is the fact that IF I was working at home, I would be opening mail, paying bills, making dinner, and doing yard work.  Well, the reason for the frustration is that I AM doing those things even though I am gone all day.  He can't focus on the mail to do it right, doesn't cook, hates yard work, and doesn't want to take any meds.  He has just recently talked about the meds some, but still hasn't changed his mind on them.  If I give him an ultimatum to use the drugs, he will definitely refuse them. I also am not at the place that I want to leave him. I love him with all my heart, I just don't know how to handle our lives anymore.

My question about solving everything is because he can't just listen.  If he knows that something upsets me, he HAS to solve it.  I just explained the above scenario to him, and told him that I just wanted to tell him the reason I feel so frustrated.  Now, I am in tears, he is upset, because he know that I am upset, but I told him prior to talking with him that I didn't want him to take this personal.  I only wanted to tell him what I realize now.  But he HAS to solve the problem, and doesn't know how he can do it, so now he is frustrated.  Does anyone know what I mean or am I just rambling on about something that I can't understand...................