Hi, I have been married to my husband for 11 years now and he has been in the navy almost 20 years, soon to retire.  We have two kids, a daughter who is 6 and a son who is almost 11.  He also has ADHD.  Well, my husband hasn't been diagnosed with ADHD because he is in the navy and he can't take any meds while in the navy.  I just recently realized that he might have it.  My son was dx when he was in kindergarten.  My son has anger problems and tantrums all the time, and is very forgetful.  He just started middle school (6th grade) and is having a hard time turning in work, doing homework, etc. and is very disorganized still.  My husband I am pretty sure has it because he is constantly forgetful...would forget his keys in the door, when he goes to work I would have to go down the list of things that he needs to take with him (keys, hat, cell phone).  I have to call him at work to remind him of meetings, appts, etc.  I feel that if I don't do this, he would get in trouble, or things would go down-hill...he does really good in the navy.  As far as I know.  He is very focused, he is the LPO and deals with 36 people right now, and does a good job at it.   He does multiple things there, and tries to be on top of things.  He is trying to make chief right now and only has 1 more chance, so he is very stressed.  But I can see his anger just building up.  He yells all the time and blows up and yells at the kids or me for little things.  He nags my son about a lot of things.  He is trying to shape my son into a man and not a sissy .  Sometimes it goes too far.  I am just tired of his angry outbursts and reminding him of things.  Also, whenever I try to spend time with him, like sit down and watch a movie or t.v., or try to talk to him about something, he always gets up and goes and does something else..i can never get him to sit down with me.  He is not very affectionate (he has never been though).  That is a big problem with me.  I feel that I don't get a lot of attention.  He revolves the attention around the kids (which is cool), but when do I get any?  Seems like he can only focus on one thing!  I never have his undevided attention and have to keep repeating myself.  I feel like this is a one-way street.  I tell him what is bothering me, and he hates it when I bring it up, but nothing ever changes.  I love him, but lately I have been turning my attention towards old friends or boyfriends I used to know.  I have wanted to leave him so many times because of his inattentiveness.  And his yelling!  When we were talking last night, i thought we made a little turnaround by making a plan.  He admitted that he is a little depressed and has been for a while because of his job, and unmotivation to run and get in shape like he used to.  He is not all of the problem though, I admit.  I have caused a lot of problems too.  I have bipolar and panic  disorder, maybe ADD, and a borderline personality, and maybe a little OCD from my dad.  Ok.  I do have mood swings a lot, and blow up too.  I get depressed a lot and have bad anxiety.  I have gone to the hospital many times for suicial ideation and depression.  I admit I can't handle it when he is gone on the boat.  But I am working on these things and have been for a long time.  I am 33.  When he doesn't give me affection or his attention to where I feel like I am talking to myself, it makes me very frustrated.  All the things that he is doing, is making me depressed.  I told him I will help him with his depression and be more understanding about his job.  I admit it would be easier for me if he wrote it all on the wall (LOL) or something so that I remember what he is going through andI won't have to bring it up again, cause I do forget what he is going through.  It feels lonely though.  I try to make things spontaneous and be creative about how to spice things up, but I think it is only going one way cause he has no imagination and says he doesn't know how to.  I don't want to give up on him, cause last night's talk gave me one more glimmer of hope.  But tonight, he had some more outbursts just because one of his workers has a messy room and he is so fed up with it (cause he has to deal with it).  So he takes it out on everyone else at home.  He doesn't know how to leave it at work.  Cause I asked him whey he is so irritated, and he said well I just don't like when things just pop up on me (I was telling him about a boy scout camping trip) and i said no, you were irritated before that.  Then I was mad and went outside to smoke.  He came out and said it is about his coworker and i said why do u take it out on us then?  And he said that he just can't stop being angry about this stupid guy, etc.  I said you are going to have to try.  I think most of his anger and frustrations stem from work...i thought it might be because of me (my depression and suicidal tendancies), anxiety, but he said no.  He does worry about it though.  He is depressed that he is getting out of shape (he used to lift weights) and he liked the way he looked, but he has no motivation to do that now.  He wants to make chief so bad, and the higher-ups are telling him to get qualifications for things that won't be useful to him.  He feels like it is a dead-end job and he is doing a job that he doesn't want and won't help him make chief.  Well anyways, I just need help dealing with this, cause I know my depression will be better and the whole family will be better (and won't take the brunt of it) if we get help or suggestions.  Thanks.