I don't know if I should just give up

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No one can tell you what to

Submitted by Hermie40 (not verified) on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 23:44

No one can tell you what to do right now; it's different for everyone. But perhaps my experience can give you perspective and help you make your decision. Over the last two years in particular my undiagnosed spouse. And I experienced the emotional seperation you mentioned. Because of his emotional, angry and defensive eruptions, we couldn't really talk about anything to try to "get better." Last year he said some things to me that decimated me and I couldn't manage to do anything else but detach and self protect. My heart wounds were so raw, if I had given him the opportunity to strike again that would have been tthe end of us right then and there I think. So in the following months I can say that two things helped me stay the course: my faith and my friends. I take those vows I made seriously and they are not to be over turned because we're having a bad time. And it was really, really bad for me. I was not sleeping well, I was stressed and crying a lot, probably clinically depressed once I found out what that was. Most recently I had developed anxiety attacks when we were supposed to talk about things, even at the therpists office because things had gone so badly previously. Amidst all that my awesome friends would be my sounding board, sometimes just listening sometimes saying something that helped my perspective. Never once did they say "you should dump the b-------d because they know that's not what really wanted and there was still hope for a good outcome. So I stuck to it not wanting to give up too soon and live regretting it for too many years. So I got the therapist. I wanted to know that I tried everything possible in my power to make it work so to speak. I know a therapist should not be a last resort, but my DH was so completely opposed to outside help I gave up on the notion until I was all out of ideas. I wanted to exhaust all resources. My DH ended up coming with me twice before he decided he would move back to his parents place adross country. Our problems were evidently too big and he really couldn't find anyone wise who would agree with him. By the time he reached this decision I was about to ask for temporary seperation because my health was getting so bad, emotionally and physically. One of my good friends reminded me that I said I would only stay with it until it began to affect my health. After not seeing me for three weeks, when we met up again she said "Yeah, you're there." The bottom line is that I tried everything I could think of that was of good character, and I maintained my vows to the end of my health. By the time he said he was leaving my friends and counsels were not surprised but also happy and supporting of my opportunity to get well again. We are calling his move a seperation but I am not optimistic we will communicate any better long distance than in our own home, but time will tell. To be completely honest the night he told me, sure I cried--it didn't have to be like this--but I have been sleeping SO well and I have not felt the crushing weight of anxiety or stress since then. Maybe there is something in my story that helps. Sorry about any stray words that seem out of place, im typing with my thumbs. :/

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No one can tell you what to