I am new to ADHD (I'm the non-ADHDer and I believe my husband has ADHD). I also think his mother is either ADD or ADHD, but I can't seem to find anything about what symptoms women typically have when they are ADHD. At this point it is not going to help my relationship with her but I am the type of person that needs to understand why things are the way they are and why my husband is the way he is. I think once he can accept the reality of what is happening to him and maybe understand the "why" as well it will be easier for him to cope. I also think if I knew that his mother had ADD/ADHD or could pin point what she has............ it would help me to let go of the anger and resentment I have toward her (too much history to post here) can anyone help me with where to find information? I've seen in some of the posts that ADHD seems to be passed from parent to child, most of the time. Is it more common to be father/son mother/daughter or does it matter?
Any help would be appreciated. Thank you for what this site has given me already, freedom to realize I'm not crazy, psycho or alone.
Women and symptoms
Submitted by Kalimyst on
As reading material I would recommend "Women with Attention Deficit Disorder" by Sari Solden. Reading it helped me see it clearly for myself. I also liked "You mean I'm not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy'" by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo. I'd heard it criticized for being disorganized but I found it helpful regardless. What I found helpful with both books is that all the authors are women that have ADD themselves.
I've been reading a lot since I have gotten diagnosis and it doesn't really matter who she/he got it from in terms of heredity. It does run in families but it doesn't necessarily manifest itself the same in all people of the same family.
As for symptoms here are some of mine:
-> Sometimes I am way over sensitive over comments people make or say, I believe they are doing on purpose to be hurtful. [Most of the time it's me who's reading way too much into innocuous things] I have days where I'm just on the defensive even when people don't mean anything by their comments.
-> While I have an exceptionally good memory sometimes it remembers things out of sequence. It may take me time and a good argument [Sometimes] for me to see it.
-> My house is full of clutter. Because of it I'm often embarrassed to have people over, since other women in my family were obsessively neat and organized. I have a lot of shame over this issue. Very few people get to know I live in clutter.
-> Most of what I do is half finished or in progress. I get all enthusiastic for something and often the enthusiasm doesn't last for more then a couple of months if not a couple of weeks... then I'm excited over something else.
-> I'm moody. Something that makes me happy and I'm bouncing around literally like a kid [I have ADHD - I'm pretty hyper as women go] or something hurts my feelings and I brood and get distracted and withdrawn. I can have 20 mood swings in the same day. It's exhausting at times, for both me and those around me I'm sure too.
-> I have a hard time sleeping, I also have a hard time waking up in the morning. It doesn't matter if I had 10 hours of sleep or 10 minutes of sleep, waking up is a painful process and if I'm going to work, I need all my processing power focused on getting myself washed, dressed, fed making a lunch and arriving at work on time. So forget holding a conversation with me in the morning. My daughters were making their own breakfast by ages 4/5 respectively. And when they needed lunches I'd make them the night before.
Hope this helps.
Kalimyst, yep, yep, and yep.
Submitted by kharris4 on
Kalimyst, yep, yep, and yep. Especially about the clutter part. I always feel like my house isn't downright dirty, I do get in and deep clean at least 1-5 times a year, but it is messy. Dishes are always in the sink, and I could never have a neighbor over unexpected without having to apologize that it's Thursday, and I dont get around cleaning until Saturday. I have a lot of shame over that as well.
Additional symptons I experience:
Frustration over not being able to succeed in what I want in life. I frequently get the "victim" blues on why others excel in career and life while I'm stuck in an hourly job and cannot get promoted.
I feel every emotion at an excess level and am very susceptible to outside influence including movies, dreams, and music. Any of them can rapidly change how I feel and I have some trouble staying grounded emotionally. I woke up the other day after a dream about my husband ignoring me while I was pleading with him for attention. I woke up giving him the silent treatment. It took me the better half of a day to get away from the feeling.
I struggle with expectations from others. I get so down on myself when people are offended that I don't remember their birthdays or anniversaries, etc. I feel like such a bad friend when I show up at Christmas and everyone has bought each other gifts, including me, but I couldnt remember or feel enough pressure to bring one until after I got there. I'm constantly buying late gifts to feel like I have to "pay back" someone for buying me a gift.