I probably should wait to post or maybe this is not really appropriate for here. ( i think it is appropriate becuase it has to do with my ADHD and it affecting my marriage. If it is not I apologize.) this but I am wondering.... I have been ahving issues reagrding my ADHD and my marraige. Real quick startee about a year ago had been hyperfocusing on wife somthering her (overbearing). Didn't know that I was doing it. Fastforward got diagnosed with ADHD realzied that i had some thing to fix, thought that it would make it better. APperenly I have just been pushing it to try to get fixed and be happy togehter again, but i thnk that it just made it worse. Not giving it a rest and let it be. I have been told, maybe just in denial, in not so many words and not actually i want a divorce, but that it won't happen, that it is not gonna work and that I have pushed it to be fixed so far, that it is now unfixable. She has told me, just last night that she "loves me to more then anything(or something to that effect, However it was said I took it that she really still loves me.") and then she said that she can't live with in the same house as me, or something like that. Not verbatum but the best I can remember. I am/have been trying so hard to fix it, when it may never have been able to be fixed to begin with. This is what really confuses me or fustrates me really. I have been able to work on things to make it better and now that I am better i can't continue and build on it with her. WHile i have been trying to give her her space, i mainly just want to and have tried, sometiems harder then others, hence the problem, know that there is still something. I guess that is where i still need work, we were letting it work out and I didn't see it as a sign of that being positive. I just needed to be shown affection I guess. I lost my thought. Just that I wanted to still know that I was still gonna be her husband. I guess that is where the problem lies. I just wanted to know if I am grabbing at the moon or if I really need to admit it and say that it is done. I am always a postive thinker and always thnk everyrthing will work out and be OK ( in everything in general, although I know that it isn't always the case). I always try to remain positive. I guess this is just a big defense mechanism. ANy thoughts on any of this?? Just curious...
Marraige question
Submitted by jfd on 11/16/2008.
to jfd
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
I think I remember that you have been working with a counsellor on all of this, and perhaps at this point that person is the best person to give you advice since he/she knows the ins and outs of who you are and your situation better than I do.
Is your wife willing to do marital counselling together? Can't remember. But if she says she loves you more than anything, is the issue that you think you've been making progress but that she doesn't? Is it that she is only saying that she loves you, when in fact she feels little? I'm having trouble matching the "I love you more than anything" with the "we can't be together even though you are making progress". Doesn't sound right - sounds like she wants out, and is trying to make you feel guilty for your break up.
But, again, I don't know the ins and outs of the situation. And you are clearly so confused about this and feeling so overwhelmed, that you are having trouble sorting it all out. Perhaps she can put her feelings in writing for you?? Don't know if that would help you (or if you would just hyperfocus on it) but perhaps it would give you a starting place for marriage therapy if she is at all willing to do it.
I read a really interesting article about marriage therapy the other day, and will write a post on it in the next few days...stay tuned.