I am in the non-ADD spouse. I do all of the finances in our household. My husband was tired of all the fights we would have when I would see charges on our family credit card and I had no idea of what they are. Before I pay the bill, I would question him about the charges and it would start a huge argument about why he needed to make the purchases to begin with. Somehow in our couples counseling we came up with the "bright idea" for my husband to get his own credit card and checking account to manage and pay himself.  I can't believe I agreed to this! I don't even know why I did other than to say that I was hopeless and tired in our current situation that I thought maybe there was some hope that this new way could work.  The way I understood it to work is that a portion of our income would go to fund his "fun" account. Unfortunately, we did not define the rules properly and he has never once asked me to deposit any money into his account yet I KNOW he is making purchases.  I am sure the credit card has racked up and he is not paying it on-time.  Unfortunately, I have no visibility at all to his new credit card and checking account.  I suspect he has been putting his bonus/commission checks in his personal account, but we have always relied on that money for our day to day expenses.

Now we are running low on cash for our personal expenses. Please help me with some language I can use to start a conversation with him about this. I want to communicate that we need money. I also want to communicate that I am not comfortable with his personal credit card and checking account. I don't want to make him "shut down and retreat" or get defensive.

Anyone have any thoughts on how I can bring up this very delicate topic???