Compiled List from Materials

To the ADHD Spouse:

Do any of these apply to your marriage, your spouse, you?
• Do you feel as if your wife spends a lot of time blaming you for your marital issues? 
• Does she nag you all the time? 
• Does she suggest that you’re no good or never help her? 
• Has she claimed that you don’t love her, even though you know that’s not true. 
• Your spouse would say that you often forget things, or that if you are given a grocery list, you don’t bring home everything on the list.
• You intend to attend appointments and events, but often miss them due to poor planning.
• You may feel as if the person you married is buried deep within a nagging monster that lives in your home.
• The person you had cherished has been transformed into a control freak, trying to manage every single detail of your life together.
• No matter how hard you try, you can never do well enough for your spouse, even if you are successful elsewhere, such as in your work.
• The easiest way to deal with her is simply to leave her alone.
• Your spouse complains that you are selfish or lazy, that you don’t care about her or your family.
• You’re willing to admit that you make mistakes sometimes, but so does she—and certainly, no one is perfect.
• Are you frustrated because you are successful at work, but can’t seem to get a break from your wife at home?
• Did your wife used to be fun but now she’s just tired and complaining all the time – just a “stick in the mud”?
• Does your spouse tell you that you were dishonest about who you were when you were dating because you became a different person after you married?
• Do you wonder what happened to the woman you married?  Does the disappearance of your “old wife” make you sad or angry?
• You wish she would just relax once in a while and live life as a happy person, instead of a harpy.
• Does your wife take over your jobs and tasks around the house because she doesn’t think you’ll do them? Claiming she feels like a slave?
• Does your wife say she is lonely and feels like a single parent?
• Does your wife say she wishes she had a true partner and that she cannot count on you to do “your part” in the marriage?
• Does she say she feels like you’re just another child she has to care for and raise?
• Does your wife tell you that she feels you don’t care about her feelings? If she’s upset with something that has happened (outside of the home and not something you did) does she complain that you don’t console or hug her to help her feel better?
• Was your courtship happy and exciting (and fast), but your marriage has been completely different?