I have an issue. I've been invited to an impromptu dinner this evening with some friends from my church group. I would like to go. DH does not have plans, and I hate that I have to "ask permission" to do something like this. Now thinking this through, I know that an ADHD mind may see this as a problem because it deviates from the normal schedule. Also, I know that my husband will translate it into something like "she would rather be with these people than with me" or sometimes "is she up to no good?". In reality, I haven't seen this group of friends since the last retreat we did together nearly a year ago and I'm eager to reconnect with other women of my faith. I have never cheated or deviated from our marriage vows. I love being with DH and our 3 children at home, but I also need some "away" time.
This is actually making me nervous because I know he will react with negativity! What's worse, when I go the children will get an ear-full. How do I approach it without a major argument and "tantrum"? I just feel like this is so unhealthy and I'm so alone.
Tantrum
Submitted by jennalemon on
What's worse, when I go the children will get an ear-full.
This is not acceptable that you are afraid of what?.... that he is talking badly while you are gone and that you cannot trust him to be with his kids. What is he liable to do? Speak badly about their mother? Use foul language towards the children? Be angry at you and take it out on the children? This is a boundary that needs to be held for the sake of your children. You should not be a captive in your home because you don't trust your husband to parent his children for one night. It is childish behavior on his part - not ADD/ADHD ---- but I "get it". I understand your situation.
Hm...
Submitted by ellamenno on
I am the ADD wife, and I understand the need for space and solitude... So i guess I can't understand why your DH would begrudge you time with your church friends. Maybe he's nervous about having to be on his own with the kids? Are they very young?
I say just try the direct approach. Tell him exactly what you said here, that you haven't seen these friends for a long time and you really need to catch up. Maybe even include an anectdote about one of them, ie; "Last time I saw Sallie she said she was going to try Lasik surgery and I'd love to find out how it worked out!" Something like that.
If he doesn't want you to go, it has nothing to do with ADD.
Ellamenno