I've been with my wife now for over 6 years. We have 2 boys, aged 2 and 5. When we first met, it was great. We had lots of time to give towards each other and we loved each other very much. Over a month ago, my wife told me she is leaving me because of the way things had been for the last 5 years, the way I have been. This was a slap in the face for me and triggered something in me to start putting things together from my past. I went to see my doctor and I am now in the process of testing for ADD. The signs are all there and I admitting that there is something wrong with me. I have tried to see councilors, couples therapy and other forms of help but nothing stuck, nothing seem to help me, I would never follow through. I am now in the process of bettering myself and I feel like my wife has abandoned me. I believe that a family should stick together and try to fix things, especially when the other partner is sick. She has said that she has gone through too much and can't go on. I asked her if I get diagnosed with ADD, will that change anything and she said no. Like I said, I feel completely abandoned from my wife. She has lost faith in me and this makes me very sad. I've been told to just let her go and to concentrate on changing my environment, changing my ways, getting better and then just seeing how things happen. This is not easy. She is my wife, I need her to help me through this!
Wife is leaving me :(
Submitted by Marty Gabriel on 05/15/2014.
If I Were You...
Submitted by kellyj on
I have been where you are and if I could turn back the clock and have a second chance I know what I would do. I feel your pain and know exactly what you are going through but......I would not give up trying for you're own sake as well as for any hope that things could turn around.
If you are anything like I was in my past...you do have a long road ahead of you if you've just figured out you have ADHD....I know that is not much consolation for you at this time but....it can be a lot better and will if you pursue it.
But......if there is any chance to save your current situation....you need to prove some things to your wife before she has any reason to stay.....that is assuming there is still any hope but you shouldn't be approaching this as being contingent to the outcome either way.
If I were you....I would beg,barrow or steal the money to hire some professional help to get the things that you already know that your wife has issues with around the house inside and out. You will have plenty of time to learn how to do this on you're own later whether she is there or not. I would seek help wherever possible and do as much as you can immediately to prove to her that you are willing to do anything to make things better. She has no reason to believe anything you say because you've proved yourself untrustworthy, unreliable and without integrity when it comes to your word. This is a fact whether you see it or not. You need to do something that she can see right now and only you know what that is ( some kind of action )........your words won't mean diddley to her.
If it's too late and she leaves your will not be the first to be in this place brother. The pain you are experiencing might be the wake up call you need to motivate you to make the changes that you need to for the future. It will make you stronger in the end even though it does not feel this way now. This is your chance to make things better for yourself if you take advantage of it and not let it keep you down. The fall does take its toll but rising from it will only make things better than before.
Do this for yourself and not to keep your wife.......the outcome will be whatever it will be and you have no control over what she decides to do..........but, you do have control over yourself
You need to do this NOW......you can work on the rest later if she decides to stay.
Procrastinate now........don't delay!!
My husband has felt like you.
Submitted by lauren07 on
My husband has felt like you. I tried to stay til he got out of his job contract, but he used his add as an excuse instead of changing.
You have to stop "blaming" her for abandoning you. She has likely felt abandoned for years. Prove you can really work on your issues and one day she may take you back. You've likely been promising change for some time. She doesn't trust that you will. It took her leaving to finally get through to you.
I left my husband for six months and let him move in with me later while he found a job. NOTHING had changed and he had to move out after a couple months because I couldn't stand coming home to a dirty house, an attitude, and him practically ignoring his child.
Good luck to you. Don't give up on yourself, but give your poor wife a break.
Its the other way around in
Submitted by Lonely chikki on
Its the other way around in my case.Its my husband who has an ADD. and he was the one who abandoned me. the hyperfocus faded...and he seems not to care about me anymore. He is from the U.S. and I am from the Philippines. We live in Manila for 6 years..and just last week...without any noticed. He left and went back to US. I WAS DEVASTATED. He said he needs to heal himself to get better. I dont know what will happen nxt. I dont feel any love and care from him anymore.
There is a great counseling
Submitted by Emily1997 on
There is a great counseling center in Makati. It is called In Touch Community Services, they also have a crisis line you can call for assistance. Did he/you know about the ADD? Read this site to see if it is a relationship you want to pursue. Give him the time to heal and figure out what is going on. Mental healthcare is not real popular or readily available for a Westerner in the PH so I don't blame him for wanting to return to the US for care.
I hope you have heard from him. Something I've learned is take care of you first.