I know when you're in a relationship, you're suppose to talk to your partner about your issues, but I don't really have an option. Little bit more on that in a moment. It's wrong, and I know that. But I need some advice and I don't know where else to go. Here's the problem. Whenever we're around my bf's mom he makes me feel like I'm his second option. Hell, even when we're not around her. It's almost like shes God and she walks on water. He worships her. If she falls he's by her side helping her off her feet in 2 seconds flat. Me? He asks me if I'm ok and goes on his merry way. I'll be the first one to admit I have some jealousy issues and problems with low self-esteem. I'm also the one with ADHD (non-hyperactive) in the relationship. Now, I get that she is his mom and she won't be around forever, but guess what. Neither will he and neither will I. Especially me if I'm in the right here and this keeps up. He doesn't live with her anymore, but just a short 4 hr drive and tada he's there. He and I live together and see each other all the time. Talking to him is not really an option because me, my bf and his family are all on vacation and I don't want to start an argument and ruin it for him. He'll get defensive and not truelly listen to me. He'll accuse me of being self-centered, selfish etc and it'll only make things worse. Am I being ridiculous or do I have every right to be upset?
Being someone's second option hurts like fucking hell...
Submitted by hawaiianbluemoon15 on 08/03/2014.
sensitive subject
Submitted by Smokey on
You definitely have a right to be upset. However, chances are, your BF doesn't realize that he's doing this, or doesn't understand how/why it hurts you. Even if you've explained it in the past, defensiveness can make people very deaf to others. I know that I've been guilty of both ends of this, both the attacking and the defensiveness. Both make it impossible to really "hear" each other.
This is really tough.....but try to finish your vacation as enjoyably as possible, focus on yourself, and address this after you both get home. Maybe read a book on successful communication first, as you're cooling off. John Gottman has some great books on communication in relationships.
It's not okay for him to treat you like your second best, but it's also important to have empathy for him and realize that old relationship patterns that he has with his mother are deep-seeded and difficult to even see, much less change.
Why do you think I have a
Submitted by hawaiianbluemoon15 on