Hi,
I have been reading this site for about a year I think and I want to thank all of you for sharing your insights and experiences. I honestly don't know what I would do without you.
Two years ago my husband and I got married -- me for the second time, he for the third. We are both in our mid-50s.
I noticed that in the months preceding the wedding he seemed more distant and unapproachable. When I was feeling emotionally healthy, which was most of the time, I attributed it to the stress of his job. When I was having "one of those days" prior to a wedding where rational and logical are elusive, I worried that he didn't really want to marry me. ADD never occurred to me.
After we were married, his ex-wife told me about the ADD diagnosis that he had been given several years prior to the time we met. She mentioned it in passing when we were discussing their daughter's ADD issues.
Now my untreated ADD husband and I are at an impasse. Yesterday we had a fight. As usual, I was asking for more attention. As usual before I even got three sentences out of my mouth, he was yelling at me that he has told me over and over again that he is who he is and if I can't live with it, I should leave.
At this point I want to make sure, dear readers, that you understand that I truly don't believe that I ask for too much. I have taken to heart what I have read on this web site, and I am very careful to phrase my requests calmly, succinctly and most important -- rarely and when it is really important to me. However, that being said, I am human and therefore, susceptible to mistakes and occasional misperceptions so I am open to the possibility that I do it more often -- or perhaps in non-verbal ways -- than I realize.
Yesterday I read a post from an man with ADD who said, " ... I am introverted, do not communicate my feelings, walk away from confrontations ... " Without a doubt, that is how I would describe my husband.
I, on the other hand, am an extrovert who likes social interaction. I could (not do!) talk about my feelings frequently, and do not (except when I am yelled at by my husband) walk away from confrontation. We couldn't be more different yet I know that behind the bluster is a kind, compassionate man who I love and who returns that love. I can see it in his eyes.
He hyper focuses on whatever happens to catch his fancy, and I am not what catches his fancy any more. He can research topics for days and days or get involved in projects for days and days and if I make the mistake of interrupting him -- watch out. He gets impatient and testy and the interaction is generally unsatisfactory.
He believes that if only I had strong passions about something that I wouldn't need his attention just as he doesn't need mine. I do have a number of passions but they are much longer lasting and nowhere near as intense. I still want a relationship when I'm feeling passionate about a topic! He thinks I'm bored. I am never bored. He also thinks I am codependent. Probably true. I often repress my needs to meet his and to prevent unkind outbursts of anger. He thinks that all I want is a playmate. I think some play is pleasurable and it's important to me. I think most people want a playmate/spouse sometimes.
I forgot to mention that because I once made the remark that he pays more attention to his dogs than me (well not anymore because he is no longer hyper focusing on them) that he now doesn't pet his dogs as much and he is really angry that I made him feel guilty about petting his dogs. And that all his life people have been trying to change him and get him to do things that he didn't want to do and that he is not going to let that happen with me. That's when he said that I need to accept him as he is or leave.
By the way, he refuses to go to counseling because in the past when he did counseling, he reports that the therapists always made him feel like it was all his fault and he won't go through that again. And he doesn't believe the ADD diagnosis was correct anyway.
Sorry, this has gotten way longer than I anticipated so I'll just go straight to this issue about which I need feedback. I am thinking about suggesting to him that we live in two different houses. I could rent an apartment and he could continue to live in our house. Our house suits him, it's away from town and has no really close neighbors. Downtown suits me just fine.
My thinking is that if he has his own space where he can focus all he wants without interruption, and if I am closer to town and can spend more of my time socializing and not expecting him to notice me because I'm not even in the house, then maybe we can manage to resolve this in a way that lets us both be ourselves -- two people who love each other but who need to live differently.
Has anyone tried that approach? Did it have a positive or negative outcome? Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks.
living in separate places
Submitted by arwen on
wishannastar, I have not tried the approach you are contemplating. But I have also thought about something like it with my husband. I've frequently said, and not completely in jest, that our next house will be a duplex. My ADD husband can live in one half and I'll have the other. I will be able to keep my part of the house the way I like it, and he can be as disorganized as he likes, and I'll never have to see it. I can have friends over without distracting him, and he can be wrapped up with his computer without me feeling ignored. But we would still be right there and in easy contact with each other on a normal everyday basis. I don't think it would work for us to be in physically distant residences -- it would be too easy for him to forget about me all together (and despite the fact that my husband is on meds and has been getting counseling for the past 15 years)!
My husband and I were separated for almost a year, and it really did help us to resolve our issues to be living in separate residences during that time. But we had been married for almost 30 years. Whether it would help in a less longterm situation is hard to say.
thanks for your comments
Submitted by wishannastar on
I've long thought a duplex with a large, shared master bedroom and a shared kitchen would be the ideal living arrangement for almost any childless couple or a couple with grown children.
Just yesterday, I ran into an old acquaintance who lives in a separate house from her partner. While he would like to live with her, she feels that her need for privacy is too great and prefers the current arrangement. Similar to the duplex idea, which by the way I would consider if moving my husband from his home would be a possibility, they live in houses that are back-to-back. She assured me that it works just great. They both have freedom and space for what they like to do -- with virtually unrestricted access to one another as well.
As you pointed out, I worry that too much distance might make it easy for my husband to forget about me. Maybe we would need to set up check-in times or plan specific times to get together.
I really appreciate your thoughts on the subject. So many things to think about ... I need all the feedback I can get.
Separate spaces within the house
Submitted by jscott on
The only way I survive in my household is that I have carved off a room that I control. I am up against 3 ADHD'rs (my wife and two teenage sons). Most of our house is constantly out of control. Some rooms can't even be walked through. Others stay passable because I nag them to clean up, or do it myself. But my basement office is mine. It is neat, it is organized, it is my sanctuary. The rest of the family has been trained not to touch anything in this room. I feel fortunate that we have a big enough house that I can have my own space - at one time we did not and I almost lost my mind.
good for you...
Submitted by wishannastar on
for figuring out a situation that works in your home. Regardless of whether someone in the home has ADD, I think personal sanctuaries are important to many of us. You are fortunate that your family respects your space even if they don't share your particular need for it.
The only one?
Submitted by vcalkins on
Wow, I thought I was the only one that thought about having a duplex. His could be a mess and mine would be much neater. I even thought one big connected back yard (that he could mow) for the dogs to run in.....and I could invite him over to eat most nights. And here I find so many women that have thought the same thing. :o)
I suspect the idea is actually pretty common
Submitted by wishannastar on
In addition to the yard, I would still want a shared bedroom and kitchen. What I'm proposing -- and wondering if anyone has done -- goes a step farther and pushes the boundaries -- both personal and societal -- by living 15 miles from one another. He could have his space out where he doesn't have to see or deal with his neighbors or with people just dropping in to visit while I would be downtown where I could have both. I recharge with social interaction; he is just the opposite.
I wonder how we might divvy up the finances. Do we just take on our own expenses and keep separate money? That seems extreme but perhaps that would be best. While I don't worry excessively about what other people think about my life, I do care some. How do we explain the move, especially to our adult children? They really like us together.
And as mentioned earlier: Will he forget about me? Are we more likely to stay together or drift apart? Of course no one knows the answers to those question but I wonder if anyone else has tried it and how it has worked -- or not.
Does your husband realize how foolish he is?
Submitted by Dan on
Hello:
I'm a early 40's man, married 12 years, have two wonderful young boys (elementary school age) with my wife. I also have just been diagnosed in the last week that I have ADHD and I'm now taking Strattera, so far just 1 week... But about 1 month too late, after 12 years of arguing, thinking it's 50/50.
I've read most of the posts in this web site, and all the arguments, anger and frustration of the wives on this website, are nearly exactly describing my marriage.
My wife will be divorcing me now, she says there is no us, she said she's done. We argued for years and I always thought it was us, 50/50. I scoffed a few months ago at my when when she said it is was 90/10 my fault. I simplily just didn't see it or wouldn't accept it. Then, after another session with our marriage counseler that was going nowhere(I use that word, counseler loosely, since she didn't counsel or tell me straight like Dr. Phil would have, she just asked questions), she said something curious to me... Hey Dan, do you think you have ADD or ADHD? She asked me a few of the symptoms and I said yes to all of them. As usual, I procrastinated a few weeks like anybody with ADHD, while my wife was eating away inside with the anger and frustration. Finally, my wife said we're done. Then, I scrambled for help and I'm getting help, but it's too late. So within this last week, my psychologist and a psychiatric with second opinion said: yes... ADHD is all over me and I'm now taking Strattera, but too late to save my marriage. I'm going to lose my best friend, my wife and the mother of my children and miss out on half my children's lives when they grow up over the next 10 years. All because of ADHD and the symptoms is brings, including stubborness, short temper, procrastication on things NOT important to me and much more.
Me and men with ADHD are not stupid, we're usually very smart. I have a engineering degree, my own business, and drive, drive, drive. ADHD is just a scary disease since men that have it, are simply, completely oblivisios of their marriage crashing around them. Remember, we think it's 50/50, so let's meet half way.... If my wife won't meet me half way... why should I? Most men do NOT want to be a burden on anybody... so as soon as I discovered I have ADHD, read the blogs on this site, realized my marriage is over... I run to fix it on my own. That is why I accept my ADHD (it's a relief knowing the problem now, that's the engineer in me, now I want to fix it, this is science), so I willing to take medication and will see professional help likely for many years.
So perhaps, I think your husband, who is NOT taking meds for his ADD, he perhaps still hasn't accepted it and is waiting for you to meet half-way, 50/50. That is a disaster, since that means you need to give up. Since it's 90/10 his problem, he wants you to meet him 95/5. Asking your wife to give up her feelings is wrong.
Only another man like myself, who is going to lose his loving wife and break a family over ADHD, is going to help your husband. He needs to be told straight-up, like Dr Phil would... man, are you a fool or what? man, snap out of your little world and BE a man... take care of your problem so you can take care of your wife, else another man without ADHD will take care of her. I will regret the day another man is taking care of my wife, but i cannot change that now. All I can do is be a man, and never let this happen to me again. I have to be positive, my next wife is going to be lucky person. I have all the tools to be a good man and husband, and ADHD won't fail me again.
Get your husband to talk to someone with ADHD that knows how this story ends. Your husband has no clue on what is about to happen to him. If he doesn't change, why should you be unhappy the rest of your life? You will eventually tell him what my wife told me in the past couple weeks. We are done.
Best wishes for you!
Dan
By the way, if your husband has cancer, would he not take meds? Of course not, he would fight until the end to beat the cancer. Look at the consequences of ADHD as cancer. Nobody thinks they will get it. Your husband thinks there is no consequences. Once he knows he's getting divorced again... hmmm perhaps he'll take his meds and fight ADHD to the end and be a better man. Nobody wants to die of cancer, nobody wants divorce. He needs to find the ADD or ADHD.
foolish?
Submitted by wishannastar on
Hi Dan,
I wasn't sure if you were directly responding to me or not but I'll jump in here anyway.
First, I want to say that I am moved by your story. This must be a difficult time for you. I encourage you to keep moving forward with your plan to continue with meds and counseling and learning the tools you need to be the good man and husband you want to be. I wish you the best.
You mentioned that men like to fix things on their own. Perhaps that is why my husband resists acknowledging the ADD and its affect on him (and us).
Does he realize that he is foolish? I'm not sure he would agree that he is foolish. I'm certain that even if I left, he would be fine. He thinks I'm a co-dependent, guilt-inducing, drama queen who wants too much attention. How much could he miss me? And he says to me that I must either take him as he is or leave him. So I've come to the conclusion that the only reason we're still married is that I haven't left him! I sincerely doubt he needs me at all. In fact, I have asked him what I add to his life. He just mumbles that I do that's all he knows. But he has no trouble verbalizing the ways that I detract from his life!
I would gladly meet him 90/10. As it is, it's 100% on me. My choice to be here or my choice to leave. I'm simply not important enough for him to budge from his position.
And I know that all of our problems are not due to his ADD. I have no doubt that I am responsible for my share of our issues. Maybe even the majority of the responsibility. Still, I promise you that I try and try and try to hear his complaints and work on them while he researches tractor attachments, or types of coleus plants, or portable heaters ... you get the picture.
The other morning we had planned an activity that at the last minute, my husband could not do. In frustration I said that I wasn't going to plan any more activities. If he wants to, I'm there. Not the best way to handle it, I admit.
A couple hours later he came in to the room and I had the feeling he had been crying. His eyes were puffy and he was sniffling and he doesn't have a cold. My first thought was that he was going to ask me to leave. When he didn't, I realized just how certain I am that that will be the inevitable outcome. Thinking about getting my own place may be just a stepping stone to the future, a chance to move out before I'm asked to do so.
Anyway, Dan, you are on the right path. My best wishes go with you down that path.
very similar
Submitted by Dan on
Hello... all your comments, as are most of the comments about marriage and ADD/ADHD on this Web site, are very simiilar to what my wife has experienced with me. I don't know your marriage's entire background, but this how my marriage went: the wife is miserable because of the husband's ADD/ADHD, and the husband cannot comprehend why, cannot figure out for the life of him what the heck is going on, his brain is able to functioning day to day... but when it comes to relationships... the lights are on, but nobody is home. PERIOD. He's miserable and thinks he's trapped with an unreasonable/demanding women. He is sad/crying very emotional, because he's thinking divorce too ONLY because he still doesn't get that he has the ADD problem. He is sad because he's thinking he doesn't deserve this, he's thinking he's a good overall man, so how in the heck did he get trapped into a marriage with such a unreasonable women. He's thinking why, why why? My wife use to ask me "what did I do to you to make you think so little of me?" I also just mumbled something back to her, because I didn't have an answer. She didn't do anything wrong to me, I just was sad that we argued could understand each other and I was upset she was drifting away, loving me less and less. A man's pride tells himself: hey, I don't need her, don't let your guard down and show her that you need her, she'll eventually come around.... blah, blah, blah. This is the "foolish" part I was talking about. This is so foolish for smart, educated, strong willed men to talk themselves into thinking/talking stupid. Again, this is why ADHD is such a very powerful, sneaky, and vicious "disease" I call it. It's a marriage disease, that the man having it, if he doesn't want to finally accept it and then fix it with theropy and/or meds, I think he is doomed to never keep a spouse and a happy marriage.
Bottomline, if you truly want the marriage to stay together AND you don't want to be miserable in the marriage, then your husband needs "shock" theropy. I don't know what "shock" is going to work, but perhaps getting two separate places to live may do it. My wife and I are now separated, and believe me, waking up every morning alone and away from my children is a shock to me. I have ADHD, and I'm told by many that I'm a good man, good dad, smart, work hard, caring, generous and strong willed. Where I'm at today, is part of my self-inflicted wounds, that up until a few weeks ago, I thought I didn't deserve. After I discovered I have ADHD, and read and researched all the information about ADHD and how it affects married people, did understand know, and all I can do it learn from it. Again, ADHD is like a cancer upon relationships. I wouldn't let cancer beat me, so I'm not going to let ADHD beat me either, I'm too competitive, I accept the challenge. ADHD is not curable, but controlable. I'm still the same good person, but my marriage got sucker punched by ADHD, so what I do now is study it's moves, study it's strengths and weaknesses, and plan to control ADHD and win at relationships. I truly hope your husband and anyone not accepting theiir ADD/ADHD are someday able to say the same.
I believe the true charactor of a man... any married man with ADD/ADHD.... is shown when he doesn't fight his spouse, but he fights his ADD/ADHD.
a person's true character...
Submitted by wishannastar on
You said, "I believe the true charactor of a man ... any married man with ADD/ADHD ... is shown when he doesn't fight his spouse, but he fights his ADD/ADHD."
Well said. Does it also hold true that the character of a woman married to a man with ADD is demonstrated when she fights the ADD, not her husband?
Either way, I just want to thank you for your kind words. It's feels good to be understood and not blamed. I really hope you will grow stronger in your conviction to be the kind of man who has true character, and that in return, you find happiness in your life.
newstart
Submitted by newstart on
My husband was diagnosed with ADD 2 years ago at 50. He took meds for depression (his family believed depression was a bigger problem than ADD - family lives 500 miles away!) that family mailed to him. There was no supervision and he soon stopped that he didn't need meds and didn't like the side effects. He never took anything for ADD. No change in his life except that he had a paper saying that he had ADD. So, it was not his fault. As puts it he had mentally checked out 6-8 years ago.
Last year he decided to move out to his brother's 400 miles away. We barely talk and I think it is out of sight, out of mind for him. He left me and 2 teenage boys and took off leaving us debts, house mortgage and bills - packed his UHaul and left.
According to him, he miraculously got better at his brother's house. He enjoys life and his holidays - brother provides totally for everything - from paid vacations, to house and food, office space and infrastructure, etc. He does not have any expenses. He does not see that after going there, for the first time, he started with meds (he still carries Vyance with him and is worried if he forgets his meds anywhere but claims he does need them or use them!), exercises, does meditation, changed his diet, his timings for everything. He is doing better there and earns money, does his own work from start to finish since he does not have me to finish what he starts and I think he is happier without wife and son to bother him, no responsibilities. He sends money - but that depends on my "behavior" and "there will be consequences of my behavior"! Last year, he left the tuition and college expenses of my older son who goes to an Ivy league for me to deal with. He couldn't handle that, or $6000+mortgage/mth, or anything. "You figure out how you are going to take care of it, I want to heal myself for 6 months". It has been a year now, and since he is 400 miles away, the question of being in each other's life is non-existent. He calls when he needs me to take care of things, and when he calls we argue.
So, in my opinion, at least long distance like ours does not seem to go well for trying to learn to deal with it together. He goes his way on his own, and I go my way with looking after our sons and everything else. Luckily, I/we sold our house that we were living in and that financial burden is not there anymore. I did not have a choice/say as his thing is "This is the way I am, and if you don't like take a hike" - here he took the hike and hence could leave all responsibilities behind. Lucky him - he pretends he is married, and lives like a single man, who talks to his son (living with me) and tells him how he is living a happy life and has moved on with his life, and his life is infinitely better than it had been before. And Mom continued to pity herself and did not truly improve - she spent this year paying debts, mortgage and trying to sell the house!
to newstart
Submitted by wishannastar on
I can only imagine the myriad of emotions that you must live with daily. Did you know you were so strong?
Thanks for your comments about living apart. I realize that you may be right -- out of sight, out of mind. I haven't made any decision yet but I will certainly remember your experience as I am making it.
It's hard to believe right now that it will ever get any better; it feels like my only choices are exactly those that my husband gives me: Take him as he is or leave him.
Thank you for sharing your story.
newstart
Submitted by newstart on
Thank you for thinking I am strong. I am told by my husband and sons that I was the stupid one to hang in there and not leave the kids and debts and .... He thinks he was the smart one who got going while the going was good! If I had to make the choice again I would always chose to stay to look after the kids and be there for them, instead of taking off.
You consider it strong, they consider it stupidity!
A dear, dear friend gave me a mug which says, " Women are like teabags, they don't know how strong they are till get into hot water" Fits what we are all going through so well, men and women.
wow
Submitted by BreadBaker on
I'm dealing with a similar situation, minus the kids. I, too, admire you for your strength. You are not at all "stupid"! He's acting like a child, and you're acting like the grown-up, and with a great deal of poise and grace, I might add.
to newstart
Submitted by optomistic on
Newstart, I think you are a wonderful mom to hang in there and take care of your kids. They will appreciate it someday hopefuly they will see. I have a hubby with Adhd/depression/ and is an alcoholic. last january he left after a ton of fighting and him losing half his marbles. its a long story I have posted awhile back. for the past 10 months I have been taking care of my 4 kids ,had major surgery(doing good now)appealing me getting on disability and trying to save my house which will be foreclosed on in January. I have it up for sale.I found a way to save the house if my husband would re modify the loan(its in his name). He told me he wouldn't do it or sign anything since I'am living in the house. He said if U loose the house I guess you will be homeless with the kids and my credit will be ruined. What?? he doesn't realize if it was just me I could care less, I can move on and find a new place. But this is for our kids, for shelter for them. So he doesn't care either because his bitterness has overtaken him. My kids don't want to sell the house. He came over last week and started again on how everything is my fault. He even said I kicked him out, and I said excuse me!!!I kicked you out??? He said well no you didn't but you chose to let me leave instead of kicking out my oldest son . The nerve!He hates my son, and I think its jealousy. Why I don't know? My son was a senior in high school,he just shared with me how unbearable it was for him before my husband left.I kept sticking up for my son and that drove my husband nuts! anyway He told me last week that we were done, why are we waiting for a divorce? well my sentiments exactely! I already have the papers but do I have to do it all? sell house do divorce etc..but I'am applying ASAP and while I'am a christian and divorce is sad. I feel this is the best protection for my kids and I. Two nights ago he came to work on his van which hes been rebuilding the engine. he was drunk and high on pot! I'am so done with this marriage. He is a addict and will not go to rehab theres no reconciliation on his part. But I'am a new healthy person today waiting to go on with a new journey in life.I hope that you will have peace and figure out what you are going to do. I hope the best for you .
I'm looking at apartments today
Submitted by calleigh on
My ADD husband and I have been married 10 years (my 2nd, his 4th marriage). We are in our fifties, all children grown and gone. After making a list of things I needed to change and talking it over with him, he agreed to "sign a contract" that he would comply with some of my requests. Things like fix the holes in the floor (caused by his huge collection of indoor plants), and hold a garage sale (he has hoarding issues and there's no room to move in the house). After a few days I realized that while he happily agreed to do those things, he would never get around to doing them. Like everything else. He is glued to the computer, or hyperfocused on some new issue or cause.
I've threatened to move out too many times and not followed through. I am a very clean and neat person, and I don't even mind doing all the housework (I work full-time, he does not). But because of the hoarding issue, his precious junk cannot be touched or moved. So we live in a garbage house. If I try to keep one room or half a room "off limits" to his junk, that lasts for about a day.
He says I can accept it as is or ... he never finishes the sentence.
So today I contacted landlords and real estate agents, and tomorrow I begin looking for my own place. When I leave, he will not be able to make the mortgage payment, the electricity, even the phone bill. He will end up homeless. That is why I have stayed so long. It simply breaks my heart. He is a good, happy, funny person. He never gets angry, he always says, "yes, I'll do it" but never does it. He thinks he will be just fine without me. He says he loves me, but what does that mean when he cares more for his junk than whether I stay or go?
I'm going to find a place nearby so that I can at least feed him.
Feel too Guilty to Leave
Submitted by bellajovi on
I understand your situation completely. I've been married for 23 years to my ADHD husband. He was diagnosed about 3 years ago. To make a long story short he is now on disability and would never be able to financially survive on his own. My husband is also a good person. He has never cheated on me or ran around partying. He always worked hard on what he was hyper focusing on at the time, but rarely finished anything. We have been in our home for 10 years and not one project is complete.
Most of my frustration comes from the fact that over the past 3 years he has literally stopped doing much of anything. We don't sleep in the same room because he snores really bad (has sleep apena- but refuses to use the CPAP machine). I work 2 jobs so I need my sleep, which was impossible when he slept in the same room. He moved to the basement right around the time he was diagnosed. It was a finished basement, older paneling but still finsihed. He tore it out down to the cement wall. Put up less than half the new sheet rock and it's been like that even since. It bugs the he!! out of me because it looks like a bomb went off. But it's his area and I try to deal with it.
My frustration comes from the fact that he literally does nothing on a day to day basis. He goes to church in the morning (something he started hyper focusing on - probably won't last), comes home and sits in the basement all day watching tv or sleeping. The most he does is cut the grass once a month. I've tried talking to him, encouraging him to do things (especially to help me out with the household chores) but he always has an excuse or says he will but never does.
We had to file bankruptcy last year. We are doing a ride through on the house (basically keep paying on time and we stay -don't pay and we can walk away). It has crossed my mind more than a few times to just leave. But then I started to feel guilty because he has never done anything bad to me. It's just his inability to do ANYTHING. I feel like he is a dependent and nothing more because he doesn't put anything into our relationship. I know I won't leave him because I feel responsible for him.
what is guilt
Submitted by brendab on
Bellajovi,
I used to feel this way all the time towards my exhusband and during my separation my counselor asked me to consider what it meant to feel guilty. He asked me if I was breaking any moral law. I said "no". he then said that I should filter all "guilty feelings" through that standard. Anytime I "felt guilty" about my words or actions, I had to ask myself if I was breaking a moral law. If I was not breaking a moral law, then I was to tell myself that it was false guilt.
I even helped my two teen daughters overcome "guilty feelings" and I am so grateful to have learned this principle. I am even more grateful that they apply this standard and they are only 17 & 20 years old. It should make a huge difference in their life.
I think you might also consider if it is truly your job to be responsible for him. He is an adult, he has the diagnosis and probably knowledge that there is help, but he chooses to not be "responsible" for himself. Why should you take on the responsibility that he won't even do? I know it is hard, we are modeled so many false things and it is hard to break free from them.
I wish you the best.
Brenda
I forgot to mention that
Submitted by aquariusmoon6 on
I forgot to mention that because I once made the remark that he pays more attention to his dogs than me (well not anymore because he is no longer hyper focusing on them) that he now doesn't pet his dogs as much and he is really angry that I made him feel guilty about petting his dogs. And that all his life people have been trying to change him and get him to do things that he didn't want to do and that he is not going to let that happen with me. That's when he said that I need to accept him as he is or leave.
Ican relate to this. My boyfriend stopped partying and hanging out with negative friends because he claimed he wanted to. But then he continued to talk to this girl who I felt VERY uncomfortable with him talking to. I told him countless times how much it hurt me. Then I got yelled at becuase "I took away his best friend." I know he problay still lies about talking to her I just don't know bc he got rid of his myspace and I cant check it all the time.
I;m so sick of this