I am 22 years old and although im not married to my boyfriend yet, we live together. He has adhd. I didn't know of his diease until after we started dating. He was 28 and I was 19 and i was until the impression that since he was older, he would be more mature. I slowly started to realize he was slightly inappropriate and a little mean at times. This behaviour only became increasingly worse. By the time i found out he has adhd i was already in love, and pain. I didn't know and still don't what to do at all. He sometimes calls me names then says later he doesnt remember doing it. When we first got together i told him how much i wanted a family. He told me he wanted me to. That soon changed into him saying I never said I wanted to have children with you other things such as that.
Another problem I have with him is his lack of understanding. I myself have MS, so I am not upset easily by mood swings and hurtful things but he is. I dont understand how he can get all upset when I tell him to leave me alone or stay away from me if he is screaming in my face. He begins to turn it around and tell me im berating him and I dont really love him. I do love him, i'm just not sure if i want to.
He also has this thing where he always wants people to say yes. Even when i disagree with him he wants me to say yes. I can't do that, that is not how i'm wired and it really makes me mad that he insists everyone say yes to him. I don't think he understands how not normal that is.
He says he wants to get married but I don't even know if i can believe him. I truly feel like he will never even begin to control this diesase...
A voice of experience
Submitted by vcalkins on
I think those of us that are married to an ADHD partner would suggest that you get as much counseling as possible. I would suggest secular counseling as well as counseling in a good church. Maybe even individual and group counseling. Know where you're going before you get into a marriage with children or not. I'm not saying, "don't get married". I'm saying, "get informed before you do."
What to do
Submitted by ADD Spouse on
I AM saying don't get married and don't get pregnant. Move out. Insist that he get medication and counseling. Only when his behavior is improved and he can prove that he can be your equal in the relationship, should you be living together or married. Also, do not marry unless he is debt free and can prove that he can handle money in a responsible manner. Marriage is serious business and should be for a lifetime, so if you don't want a lifetime of what you have right now, back away and insist on what is good for you.