Have you ever reached the point where you don't care if they have ADD/ADHD or how you will survive, or how it will affect the children if you just put out your ADD spouse or left them? I'm at that point with my husband. I'm sure it would cause trauma to my daughter to not have her own father around and I would still be broke financially but I'm just so over it. I literally want to him and his ADD to go out the door and pray for the poor woman that will be the next victim to suffer him. I'm so emotionally and physically done that I don't care about any consequences now or in the future, I just want every bit of him gone out of my life. He is a walking disaster.
It is like his very presence alone agitates me and he can't even blink right for me. I'm tired. I'm no fool to think marriage is easy and the vows say for better or for worse. But its always the "worse". I absolutely don't like anything about my husband's ADD . He can take his spontaneity and fun nature and shove it. I don't need it. I'm tired of talking to someone that NEVER makes sense. I developed constant headaches and eyepain from crying so much and if I had an addictive personality I'm sure I'd be on the road to becoming an alcoholic.
I've been through all kinds of counseling and I don't care to do it anymore. I think if I had the 200 dollars sitting in the bank (his foolery wiped out our savings which led to me wiping out my savings), I'd probably be online doing one of those Legal Zoom divorce things right now while I'm writing this. But I'm too broke to even do that.
I started packing his stuff but then said to myself, "Hey, this just another thing I'm doing for him." so I decided he'll pack his own stuff. There used to be this bright light of hope at the end of the tunnel for me that has slowly dwindled nothing.
I've tried to put it in the Disability perspective. But I'm so worn down I don't care and he isn't my child so I don't feel obligated.
My step-mother in law asked me to take the baby to the movies or something and just have a good night out and maybe I'll feel better and have a clearer head. My opinion is yeah those things will help me escape reality for a bit but then I'll just be walking back into the crap.
We've been married for 6 years and togther for 9. I don't know how women/men have been dealing with this for 20, 30. 40 years!!!Is it not a miserable existence?
Ready to Go
Submitted by Mintapple on
I just want to say that I genuinely understand what you are going through and how you feel. I don't want to say that your marriage should end because that is just so sad. But I do know how you feel, and I completely understand. You're just plain worn out. Me too. If it helps you to know that someone out there gets exactly how frustrated you are feeling, I'm very glad I could help you.
I'm thinking that those of us who draw the ADD spouse card must be quite extraordinary people indeed. Can you imagine unconditionally loving him, twenty-four seven, year after year? I guess that's ultimately what we are being called upon to do. Some of us do find a way there, but some of us who are tapped for the journey just cannot make it, cannot take one more step. At least not today. . . ask me tomorrow.
Ready to go
Submitted by kyme89 on
Boy do I know exactly what you are talking about, except that we have been together for 21 years. I finally hit the I wish he were gone mode about 5 years ago. But I too have small children, 5 children total, and don't have the financial ability to move on at this time. I have given up trying to include him or even depend on him for help with the house or children. If he offers great, but I won't count on it cuse he'll usually back out and claim he never agreeed to it. He worries about himself and no one else. He spends money on his obessions whatever the current one might be, it is currently first edition, autographed books. We have 2 checking accounts just for this purpose, or there wouldn't be money for food or bills. I have torn myself apart trying to figure out what to do, those "vows" weigh heavily in my heart and mind. But I now have a plan and have moved on personally and emotionally. I am finishing my degree so that I can start working again and be able to say "I've had enough and I have the money to move forward without you". I not only have a husband with ADD, who by the way takes meds for it but claims that he doesn't actually have ADD, just a little trouble paying attention and focuses at times, but I also have a 20 year daughter, 13 year old son and a 6 year old daughter all with ADD/ADHD. My 8 yr old and 2 yr old and I are the only ones in the house without it. So I get the complete exhaustion and just can't give or move any more, that is how I am daily.