http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/40/slide-1.html
I read this article in ADDitude Magazine with great interest. So much insight. Gives me a very clear view of the internal workings and daily emotional struggle of my spouse.
So, as I have said in so many ways, so many different times, I have the greatest empathy for his struggle. Not blaming him for our lives issues, not feeling smug in my own opinions.
It is just difficult to imagine a peaceful outcome if you put a mild mannered animal - like a bunny, or sheep, or even if you like, a goat - in a cage with a roaring lion. Fur will be flying, and somebody will be injured. By my own wit and wisdom, I choose not to step foot into the cage.
I read an extremely appropriate quote on my FaceBook page today. :
Yes, I am a strong person. And every now and then I still need someone to take my hand and remind me that everything will be ok.
Liz
The reality of emotion control in a Fast Mind....
Submitted by c ur self on
Good analogy Liz,
I was reading over some of Dr. Surman's (Neuropsychiatrist @ Massachusetts General Hospital and professor at Harvard medical school, and co-author of Fast Minds book) research and his studies basically say the same thing you have hit on here. I will try to paraphrase some of what I read: Adults and children with a fast mind do not have as much control over their emotions as those who do not suffer with it. He say's that many adults experience a less stable sense of well-being, than their peers. Their emotional state can run in dips, dismay, sadness, and back again. He say's diagnosable disorders like bi-polar and depression are different in that a fast mind may just go into a state of instability, any time, for just a moment, but turn right back around to a more stable position with in just a few minutes.
He also points out how frequently these behavior patterns run in families, often for generations. He also made this statement, the one we know :) lol....Relationships with others may be very vulnerable to these traits...He got that one right!
I would like to post something that happed at our house last night as an example of what he has stated here. And is kind of the Norm around here...Although I was thankful we handled it this well.
Now it may not sound like much for your marriage, but it is huge for both of us....
I will try to keep it short....but, I am a detailed person so it's hard for me.
My wife was in the office studying, and doing her work book. She attends a women's bible study on Wednesday's. First let me say the fact she was in the office was huge, because she can have actions that seem selfish to me and not realize it? or just justifies it? seemingly one or the other. So it's not uncommon for her to tie up the TV room, wanting quiet for studies, but, last night she just came through and I was watching some reruns of revenge she had taped for us...And she said something about me being in there, but, then she paused and said, I'm going into the office to study, and then she said that's the way it should be. Now that statement may sound small to you, but, let me tell you, it's endearing to me :)...So, it was getting on about 10:30 and I was going to head off to bed...So, I stepped in the office, kissed her on the forehead and said good night. So, after I brushed my teeth etc...I needed to ask her a get on the same page question, it was important, just one of those correspondence things husbands and wife's do. Don't they;)? So, I peeked in and got her attention and asked the question. She didn't answer it, but, gave me a quick Fast Mind response. So, I said, Is this how it should be? No correspondence? No Patients for each other's questions? Well, I light came on in her eyes, not the usual frown and comment of judgment...And then she said yep, you are right, I am sorry....So, without another reply I headed on down the hall toward the bedroom....And before I made it to the bed...She hollered out her reality...I am struggling to focus, and you broke my focus!...I hollered back...I understand!....This is a best case scenario of our 6 year relationship...I am thankful we handled it this well...It's a victory for us!