I believe my ADD is escalating rapidly as I get older. Is this common?
I have had a mild form of ADD since early childhood. I always day-dreamed a lot in class. I had trouble following along with what was going on and what was being asked of me. I often was confused by directions or misunderstood the meaning of what was being said. I was never a very good student. I couldn't listen *and* take notes. I was bad at planning long term projects. The list goes on.
I was highly functional as an adult. Held steady jobs, was looked to as an expert in my field. I could read, work, do tedious tasks for hours on end without difficulty or complaint. I traveled and used to teach. I never thought I had anything like ADD. Then my first short marriage failed miserably after 3 years. I blamed her of course. However I sought counseling and rebuilt myself and my life. I went back to being a success in other areas of my life.
6 years later (age 36) I started my second marriage to a brilliant young successful woman. I have never been so blessed in my life. We were very happy together. We had two lovely children and had what seemed to be the same typical struggles that couples always have when they first have kids.
Around age 44, my wife and I started having a series of arguments that are absolutely typical for an ADD household. She would insist she told me something, I would insist she never did. I was starting to forget things and was in denial over it. Over and over these arguments happened with increasing frequency. It was driving us both crazy. I spoke to my Doctor, she said "Eh, these things happen as you get older. Don't worry about it". It was destroying my marriage. I did research. My wife did as well. She suggested ADD (my son had been showing signs of ADHD for years at this point). So I went to a psychiatrist and got diagnosed. He said my case was very mild, but since it was driving my marriage down the path to a divorce, I should try medication. It was *great*. It was like wearing prescription glasses after squinting all the time to see things. I was able to think clearer, remember things, keep up with her in a conversation. It was a life saver. It didn't last.
After a couple weeks, the dose lost effectiveness. So we went up a notch. Worked great for 6 weeks. Then another raise. Good for a few months, then another raise. Six months later, again etc.I finally topped out around 40mg/day extended release. I was at that level for about 4-6 months, then I started having sleeping issues and we had to back off. We have tried other medications, but eventually just returned to the generic Aderall at 30mg/day, plus a couple boosters.
The problems is, even when fully medicated I am still have issues. Sometimes I forget small things. Sometimes it's big things. I will get confused over instructions, misread emails. It has taken me months of screwing things up to finally admit things are quickly declining.
To recap - until 5 years ago (age 44) things were going along pretty well. ADD had no significant impact on my life or marriage. In the last 5 years, I have gotten so bad that even medicated I am making mistakes and forgetting things on a fairly regular basis. My marriage is in a shambles and even with full time counseling for both of us we are barely holding it together. Is this sort of rapid decline normal, or should I be looking for some other cause for my deteriorating faculties?
I have had zero luck on the internet finding any correlation to aging and ADD getting worse.
Brokk...
complications
Submitted by Standing on
"in a shambles"
Submitted by sunlight on
You wrote: "My marriage is in a shambles" ..
Is it possible that the added stress of the marriage is sending you into a vicious circle - the more stress the more you struggle, the more you struggle the worse the stress gets?
Is there a way to ratchet down the stress levels? Would your wife be co-operative in attempting that or has she reached the point where she "just wants it fixed NOW" (which is counterproductive but her frustration doesn't allow her to back off from that standpoint). Just wondering, I may have it completely wrong of course.
Lo-key
Submitted by Brokk on
My ADD definitely has no H in it. I don't like to be idle, as there are a 1000 odd jobs to do around the house, but I am a very low key person. I really don't feel stressed out about my life. In general I feel I have a pretty good handle on the most important aspects. Taking care of the kids, the house, the chores (we have a bit of a reversed relationship, as I am a stay-at-home dad), plus the various projects that need to get done around here. I'm happy to just plod along doing what needs to be done, making sure the important things come first.
My wife is often overly stressed about her work. Lots of hours, lots of pressure, lots of demands on her time and attention. So if anyone should be breaking down, it would be her.
My life is pretty laid back. Not a lot of demands. Relaxed schedule. I take care of things in my own time. That being said, I do get stressed when I'm under the gun about a deadline. People coming over, party being organized, packing for a trip. I'm a slow thinker, slow processor. I like to chew on things for a while. So when the pressure is on, I generally screw up a 100 different ways, as my brain can't keep up with the demands of the moment.
What I'm talking about is that my ability to think and remember has been rapidly declining. It *does* seem to match timelines with how long I have been a stay at home dad. My wife mentioned the other day that perhaps the lower set of demands on my mental faculties due to not being in the work place has eroded some of my cognitive abilities. The other thing is that I really don't get out of the house much. Not a lot of social interaction. Similar to exercise, this is something that is also recommended by many sources. So maybe I just need to exercise my mind more by getting back out into the world.
Brokk...
Brother?
Submitted by jackrungh on
If we weren't 20 years apart in age, I would wonder if we were separated at birth. The only significant differences between our stories is that I haven't had 19 years more of struggling through these things, and that I only get sharper when the pressure mounts. I'm my most bumbling and mediocre when things are pretty calm and tasks come at me slowly. When deadlines approach and I have seventeen irons in the fire, I get in the zone (Up to an extreme I've never hit before, I'm sure). My procrastination and a lot of dropping the ball on things seems to be subconsciously-intentional to gin up that fervor wherein I can unleash productivity.
I tend to agree that it is stress and life-complexity that should account for much of your decline. I've not read anything about aging being a primary driver of symptom intensification. It may also simply be a growing chemical tolerance. Many of the things we take are just calculated and targeted highs. One thing I know you can't burn out on is exercise. It helps tremendously, and even though right now I'm the pot calling the kettle black: if you aren't working out frequently, start. (Perk: You start to look good naked, and a little lust in your wife's heart can only help to balance the equation.) I know of people who were not close to functional who now thrive on daily workouts and fish oil.
Hope both of our journeys work out well. We both have a hell of a lot to lose.
Exercise and fish oil
Submitted by Brokk on
I started both yesterday.
I'm not in bad shape to start with. I watch my calories and keep myself from putting on extra pounds. However most of my exercise comes from working around the house and in the yard. I'm much stronger now than when I was younger, but it's not aerobic. I am trying to work my way up to an hour of aerobic exercise each day. Right now I'm very sore from my first attempt yesterday... :-)
We just moved to a new area
Submitted by jackrungh on
We just moved to a new area and it has disrupted essentially all of our routines. Included among these are my trips on one or both weekend days to the gym. With free child care it was a good way to give my wife a house with zero kids in it for a few hours and give myself some exercise. It is amazing how much of a reprieve it was for my wife to not have to think about kids for a whole 2 hours. I think she mostly shopped on Amazon and took naps.
I'd typically do an hour or so on some kind of elliptical machine and an hour lifting. Been able to keep myself slim and free of pretty much any pudge that would cause any self-consciousness, but I've not gotten to any kind of impressive or even mentionable level of definition. The only time in my life that was the case was in HS wrestling, and having almost no neck wasn't that great. Exercise definitely makes you feel more in command of all your faculties, and really delivers for me a productive feeling. When I walk out of the gym I feel like I'm less in a fog mentally.
It wasn't ideal because of how hard it was with our schedules to incorporate a workout or two during the week. I know even this doesn't meet recommendations, but a Tues/Thurs/Sat type habit would have been ideal. Couldn't ever make it happen with work and 4 children. Perhaps now that everything is up in the air I can establish something better.
Age is definitely a factor in
Submitted by NotAnIdiot on
Age is definitely a factor in my case. A previously successful and held-together life completely fell apart beginning in my early 40s (53 now). Doc says I gradually lost the ability to cope and adjust, it happens a lot and they are not sure why.
I believe it gets worse.
Submitted by kathy6521 on
My husband and I were together for 14 years, married for 12, and since it was a second marriage for us both and three kids at first, then one more together, we were so busy I didn't notice anything about him. Didn't have a clue until our youngest was diagnosed and I began noticing my husband doing, or not doing, things that were off. I chalked it up as stress and left it at that. However, the more I learned about ADHD for my son the more I started seeing more and more until I was convinced he had it. He went to the doctor and was diagnosed with it. Then he tells me he had it as a kid but was never treated and thought he had outgrown it. That was 6 years ago. Fast forward to now... He is definitely worse, needing more and more medication to get by. He is now 57. We have recently separated because of it.
Separation
Submitted by NotAnIdiot on
Kathy if you don't mind my asking, what was the proverbial straw on the camel's back that pushed you to separation? I am 53 and increasingly dysfunctional ADHD, beset w increasing threats from my wife of "I'm leaving." Not to put too fine a point on it - I am wondering how much time I might have left, lol
long story short
Submitted by kathy6521 on
I read all the books, I made all the concessions, I made all the sacrifices to work with him and make it work. He did nothing. He would not take his meds, he would not listen to me when I would cry and beg for him to be more present. He did not take me seriously. He would not tell his doctor the meds were not strong enough or if the side effects were too much. He did nothing. I did not ever use the threat of separation to get him to change and when I did say it, I always hoped he had finally heard me and was willing to do something different and for a short time he would. But he didn't and I'm the one that finally woke up and realized it can't be this way. It isn't going to change, any changes he did make never lasted more than a week. So I moved out. Guess what? Now he's listening. He got on different meds and he can now see and understand what went wrong. And as wonderful as it is to see him the way I always hoped he would be, I can't trust that it will stick. And he admits to his part and is hurt that I left, he even admits that if I came back, he might get comfortable again and slip back into old habits. So we live apart but we are working on being friends again, with any pressures.
Treatment
Submitted by Brokk on
Are you seeking "comprehensive treatment" for your ADHD?
I know the Hallowell books push for that, so I was wondering how well it works (or doesn't).