Please excuse any flubs. I'm typing on my cell phone.
Where do I start...? Sigh. My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for 2. While courting, we both had our share of infidelity. But! Since we've been married...I know on my end, I've been faithful. However, I don't feel like things have been the same. ...like it was before the cheating. But! The romance, the spark is just gone. We don't have sex. Well, not often. We had sex this past Friday night. I did all the work, though. Before that, it was June 22nd. Before that, it was May 17th. Before that, March 19th... I do work a lot, but I just kinda feel like...people make time for the things they want. Right?And, I try. I just don't feel wanted though. I mean, I've been told that I was beautiful growing up and even currently. But! It's by everyone but my husband. I find myself damn near begging him for his time and affection. I don't even feel remotely attractive anymore. It's killing me. On top of that..., I'm constantly finding hotel room keys around house, in his car, in my car... But! It's always some excuse. Remember our anniversary last year? Or, my cousin stayed there and left the key. And, he's my husband, I'm supposed to believe him. So, I turn my cheek...just wanting to trust him. I've found jewelry receipts on top of the refrigerator...behind cereal boxes...it was for his cousin apparently. I wanted to expand our family as we both have a child from previous relationships. My stepson is 15, and my biological son is 8. First, he didn't want to start all over again with a baby. Then, he had to get his career in order. Next, I was told that I wasn't ready to be a mother again. That cut deep. So, it was nearing the time get my birth control replaced (Mirena; every 5 years), and I had difficulties with it going up into my uterus and getting embedded and causing issues. Well, without getting into detail, I had to have surgery. So, in thinking I would be able to gain some type of leverage... He let me know that we needed to find a form of birth control to replace it...even though we barely have sex. I guess he just really doesn't want my baby. Idk. In the end...I got the Mirena replaced. This happened on May 5th of this year. Soon after...Mother's Day rolls around. He didn't even tell me happy Mother's Day. No gift. Nothing. This is the first year he's ever done this. But! His response was that I'm not his mother. And, it was my then 7 year old son's responsibility for orchestrating my dream Mother's Day. Wtf!!!! Eventually, he realized that maybe he was wrong. Then, he starts talking about maybe I could take the Mirena out and have a baby. Yet! A week before that...you didn't want my baby. I ignored his request and told him he was bogus for trying to use that to get back into my good grace. Idk what to do. I'm so sad. So lonely. Idk what to do
he is cheating on you. The
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
he is cheating on you. The hotel keys and the hidden jewelry receipts are the proof. His cousin wouldn't be hiding the receipts in your home...that would be crazy.
Your H hid the receipts because he couldn't throw them in the trash out of fear that you'd find them. He probably thought that he'd retrieve them later and throw they out another way, but forgot about them.
How is he paying for these things? Does he have secret credit cards? Does he have access to a lot of cash? Is he making cash withdrawals?
Have you saved any of these receipts to see how they were paid for?
Do you trust him? Have you
Submitted by Delt123 on
Do you trust him? Have you forgiving him for his past infidelities? Do you communicate how you feel? Do you communicate what you want? How do you beg him for time and affection? (What is it that you do?) Have you ever expressed that you don't feel wanted by him? It seems you may be jumping to conclusions in my eyes. I think you guys communicate differently. Both of you seem to misinterpret each other when communicating, When the miscommunication occurs conclusions and assumptions are made to complete what was missing, or you fill in the blanks. It is three sides to every story. Your side, his side, and the truth. We all tend to be biased when telling a story especially when we are emotional and are adamant. I think you should take another perspective on your issues. To me you are presenting a lot of info that has happened over a long period of time. That is your husband. If you feel a way about something express it as soon as you feel it, or see it. It seems you are holding on to what you feel, what you find, and what you are not getting and pocketing it or overlooking it. You shouldn't pocket it because it only builds and you become increasingly frustrated, angry, or anxious. You shouldn't overlook it because if it truly brothers you it will not go away until you get the answer or create the answer in your head that fits, feels right, or fill in what he or you did in the past. As far as the baby. Why do you want a baby? Do you think that will make your union greater than the one you have? Do you think a baby will make you guys closer? What is your reason for wanting a baby? Usually we are never "ready" for a baby. Men tend to want to have their career and finances in order before the kid. In you guys case you both bring children to the family. He may want to have kids! that is your husband talk to him about if he really does and ask him when do he think he would be ready. No man would say take your birth control out and lets have a kid to get back in your good graces! He had to really think about it. Bottom line is you two need to communicate better. Truly forgive each other for you past infidelities and don't bring it up! you will think about it, you will compare his current behavior to past times when he was cheating. He does the same to you! DO NOT bring it up. Forgiving is one of the hardest things to do. Forgive him for you to move forward. You can not control any one. If he doesn't want to have another baby, you guys are a team, you have to accept that... It seems he was angry that is why he didn't get you anything for mothers day and made the statement he made. That may have been wrong, he may be stressed, frustrated and angry such as you are (prespective)!??? Yet again you held that frustration in and it is dragging you down now. It seems he did acknowledge that he was wrong (he was!!) yet you held that and was unwilling to forgive him for that. As far as the room keys and jewelry you are going to have to believe him. One key left out by mistake i would raise my eyebrows but several keys everywhere in the car, at home, if he is with his cousin a lot it probably is true they are for the cousin. Why would someone leave several rooms keys lying around the house and car? Maybe he was hiding the jewelry for his cousin. don't make conclusions based on past experiences of infidelity. You guys need to talk without getting upset, angry, frustrated and hash out your problems, concerns, fears, expectations, and come to some compromise! Do you give your all? Do your husband thinks you give your all?
Be open, transparent, a honest!!! no judgments, preconceived notions, and be empathetic
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Submitted by Delt123 on
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You are right.
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
The post above yours seems to be off-base.
What are your thoughts about my post?