Submitted by Bob on 11/24/2015.
I have a question to ask.
My 25th wedding anniversary is fast approaching. My relationship with my wife has been crap for the past 2-3 years. I have initiated marriage counseling, but my wife refuses to go. She thinks it's nobody elses business but ours. My wife is VERY controlling. I'm willing to make changes and she isn't. She thinks I'm the one with the problem, not her.
Am I in the right for refusing to plan a party for the occation, or am I just being an ass?
Fake It Til You Make It
Submitted by jenna-ADD on
That was my former boss' advice whenever you felt like you didn't know what you were doing. Maybe that can get you by in the work world, but in my experience it rarely works in relationships. If there is so much grief and animosity between the two of you, it would not only be torture for both of you to fake it, I think it may be uncomfortable for other people attending as well. No matter how good of an actor you both are, inevitably there will be people who are aware of the "elephant in the room" sort of speak.
The world will not end if a party is not thrown. I think for your partner, it is less about celebrating that you made it to 25 years as it is saving face with her friends and family (aka if we don't throw this milestone party, then everyone will KNOW my facade that I've carefully crafted to everyone is a farce, and My charade will be exposed!)
One of the top indicators of being in love is not wanting for yourself, but wanting for THE OTHER PERSON TO BE HAPPY... and if they are not, you should be doing everything to find out why and what you can do about it. If she cares more about putting on a party, than putting in the work to address marital issues speaks volumes about what her priorities are, and I don't think you should have to fake it and put in a show for everyone, milestone or not. You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why a party isn't happening.