So my ADHD partner decided to take me shopping today. That is usually a thing that makes me happy except when I am shopping with him I cant focus on the things i want to get. First of all he says I am taking you shopping then as soon as we get in the mall he started pointing out things he liked. That made me aggitated. It got even worse when I pulled him to the side and told him I wanted to focus on me. He then started to point out anything in the stores, meaning to me, I dont give a damn. He was really nice and after we left he took me to another store where i just got a dress. I'm happy I got one but i dont know if i like it or i just got it because he was all like you have to get a dress. I don't know how to react when i'm beign pressured to do something I usually love.
Shopping Failure
Submitted by WaterLily420 on 12/18/2009.
It was the thought
Submitted by ladyflower10 on
It was really nice that he offered to take you shopping. But, with his ADD once he started seeing all the things that he liked he probably forgot that the shopping trip was for you. When I take my son shopping with me I can't focus at all because he's going a mile a minute about all the things he wants so I understand! I'm assuming your partner was probably a lot better in the clothing store because there wasn't anything there that really interested him. He wasn't doing it to bother you, I'm sure he just had a hard time focusing on just shopping for you.
I agree with the people who
Submitted by Aspen on
I agree with the people who are giving you the reasons this was hard for him. I'm sure shopping esp in a mall situation is hard for many ADDers, but what I don't accept is that this is just how he is and can't help it. I ran it by my ADD husband, and he feels the same way I do.
He told me laughingly about some behavior he engages in the car when he is alone--picking familiar tunes and singing the names of signs out loud to that tune, but he never, ever has done it when I was in the car with him...I've known him almost 15 years. He says he's never done it with ANYONE in the car (though I have to admit it was a cute little sampling he gave) because you have to have boundaries and respect what is annoying and unfair to other people.
I'm sure it is hard for him, but with help and appreciation for what is fair to him and to other people, he can definitely get himself under better...though obviously not perfect...control. And really who of us doesn't annoy our partner sometimes?? But the fact is we should all be actively trying to not do so needlessly.
ADD people often have a need to fidget and a need to get some of the many things out of their heads. There are many tricks to doing this silently vs driving others crazy with it....for example instead of clicking the top of a pen up and down over and over while fidgeting, you can get one with a cap and just silently slide the cap up and down. But a person has to first appreciate that they don't have the right to affect other people with their behavior at all times regardless of how much they feel like they need to do something. It is part of being an adult and getting yourself under better control. And it CAN be done...but you need help and you need to want it.
I'd have a serious talk with him about how it makes you feel when he seems to be unable to focus on something for you for even a short period of time. Then problem solve how you can both get more of what you need more often.
I'm wondering though
Submitted by ladyflower10 on
When your partner said he was going to take you shopping was it "You're going shopping and I'm just tagging along" or was it "let's go shopping together and you can pick up some new things." If it was "this is all about you today" then yes, he should have kept his thoughts to himself, although even while shopping for someone else we can all have a tendency to see something and go "Wow! I've been wanting that forever!" But, if it was a "we're shopping together, but I'm just looking and don't really plan on buying things for myself" then him pointing things out wasn't really inappropriate. On another note, was he pointing out things because he wanted to give you ideas for x-mas presents?