Want to know what it feels like to grow up with ADHD? This poem, written by one of the members of this site, gives eloquent testimony to the challenges – and strengths – of a childhood with undiagnosed ADHD.
HE WAS A GOOD HORSE
ONCE there was a handsome man knowing not of ADD, who was clad in shiny tin armor, and rode a white steed.
His manner giving, his heart tender & true, but there was something down deep, that felt oddly askew.
When young his uniqueness got him bullied a lot, he’d keep standing back up, “Why Lord why”, “is this my life's lot?”
He was taught not to fight, “a bigger man walks away,” wrapped his humiliation up tight, later on in life he would dearly pay.
Time in Grandpa’s workshop, challenged not his self view. Helping & building things, that, he could do.
No sports, no clubs, little enjoyment in school, when he looked at himself, could see only a fool.
The learning was tough, only just get’n through, “I know I’m not stupid. Why’s this so hard to do?“
In only two subjects could he get an ‘A’, horticulture & ceramics, there his focus could stay.
Confidence he had none, and talent, “what’s that?” “Two Ton Tommy..Hey Moose..’Fumble Fingers’.. You’re fat”
“I know, I’ll build walls, build them high thick & long, to hold back this hurting, that’ll show ‘em I’m strong.”
To God & integrity he held very tight, “I’ll follow the Good Book, that’ll make things alright.
As he grew older, as life went along, he found some peace, some purpose, for others being strong.
Blind leading the blind, Wounded Healer, to him unaware, convinced that this mission shields his heart from despair.
Still all the while, “What’s inside that's not right?” others, just normal, “I HATE shouldering this plight?”
Alas, came a Princess, his heartstrings wove round. A Country Girl Beauty, with moral integrity, so sound.
With swift Loving perception, her inner turmoil he'd see, “Fear Not my Fair Maiden, lay your burdens on me.”
He’d sing love songs and hold her, picking flowers to show, his affection and commitment was ‘meant’ to help healing, grow.
As oft happens on this planet, hurts more hurts can create, His Mother, for him, desired a “Healthy Helpmate.”
He wished he’d not had to, such a choice forced to make, “Leaving and Cleaving” would cost him, his whole family to forsake.
So together, both hurting, start their journey combined, her wounds coming to focus, and his not yet defined.
This man’s experience really moved me – his descriptions of bullying, feeling as if he didn’t fit in and there was something wrong with him…the solace he found with his Grandfather and working with his hands, his empathy (born from years of being the odd man out) for the emotionally injured woman who would become his wife…even the creative way that he expresses himself. He is now on a journey of self-exploration and story change. This is common for people who get diagnosed with ADHD as adults. They look back at their lives through a new lens – and start to reshape the story of their lives.
If you are an adult with ADHD and want to share your story so that others may learn more, please send me a short blog post about it. It’s important for everyone to hear about what it is like to grow up with, and live with, ADHD.
For more comments about living with ADHD, go to What It Feels Like to Have ADHD on my PsychologyToday.com blog.
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Comments
June 15 weekly tip
Submitted by justmetoo on
Wow-thank you for today's tip on mindfulness. Nothing touched my heart like that. After reading that, I immediately sent my husband a text on how proud of him I am. He has adhd but handles a job that causes me anxiety, lol and comes home and gives me everything he has. I am humbled and ashamed that I wanted his adhd to go away because I wasn't thinking of it as a blessing too. It's possible that despite what we consider negative can show us how amazing qualities can emerge through all of us.
No Built-In Meaning
Submitted by Delphine on
"I am humbled and ashamed that I wanted his adhd to go away because I wasn't thinking of it as a blessing too. It's possible that despite what we consider negative can show us how amazing qualities can emerge through all of us."
Indeed. One of the most empowering concepts I've learned, that I remind myself of often, is that nothing has a built-in meaning. Only the meaning we ourselves ascribe. If we look for what is wrong, we will surely find it. Same with looking for what is right. It's all a matter of perspective. We get what we focus on, good or bad. Keeping an open heart and mind can only serve all concerned.
Blessings to all!
Delphine
undiagnosed adhd
Submitted by Shelby on
That poem could have been written by my husband! I know his life must have been an uphill struggle from the get-go. I try to be empathetic. I have read enough about adhd to realize that most of his behavior is because of his adhd, but there are times that I just lose patience and then am so ashamed that I don't have what it takes to tolerate his inconsistencies and failures and impulsiveness and passive-aggressive behaviors. I should add here that he has not had a professional diagnosis, partly because of health conditions that would prevent his taking medication for it. I made the diagnosis after being married to him for almost 50 years. I have lost my sense of humor to be amused at the fixes he finds hiimself in. I guess what I'm saying is that I need a big dose of patience. I need help with everyday things but I have to give him instructions every step of the way and if I don't, he doesn't finish or put away tools. I feel like I am raising another child! I'm sure that comes through in my tone of voice. I can't assume that he knows how to do anything. (example: taking out the garbage means also putting a new bag in the waste can, I have to remind him every time)
help
Submitted by soph on
Love this! As im scrolling through the blogs and researching ADHD i have joined up to this group and am hoping someone can help shed some light on it.
I have been with my partner for 4 years, and we have been on lifes usual rollercoasters but are now happily engaged (yay) ... apart from my unhappiness caused from anxiety and low self-esteem and the impact of his ADHD. Although he has never been officially diagnosed, as a child growing up he was always treated as though he had ADHD, the symptoms were clear; and now as a 28 year old man the symptoms are still very clear.
I love him dearly and feel blessed we are together... however his 'zoning out' causes alot of anxiety for me. He is distracted by lots of things but what stands out for me is him noticing a pretty girl when she walks past- for me this seems uncontrollably overwhelming. I have been assured that men 'notice pretty girls, they can look but not gaup'. My other half says he notices lots of things not just girls.
Hoping there may be men with ADHD that can relate to this or maybe a woman who has a partner with ADHD.
TIA, Sophie 23 years old.
undiagnosed adhd
Submitted by Shelby on
I suggest that you not waste time in trying to get him to get professional help. You could consider it pre-marital counseling. Hopefully he will welcome the idea and be relieved to know that someone understands his feelings, struggles, behaviors. In fact, it wouldn't be a bad idea to leave the wedding plans on hold until you two face the realities of the impact that adhd has on a relationship.
Welcome sophie!
Submitted by Zapp10 on
The success of your relationship is based on BOTH of you. If your boyfriend "accepts" he has ADD and is actively seeking help you stand a better chance. If YOU learn what to do and NOT do you, are doing your part.
If he does not think it is a big deal, not "that" bad, whatever........even though you do your part......you have NO idea what is ahead. What ever you are thinking is going to "be".....is not.
I hope you take a stand on the ADD being addressed.....BEFORE you marry. LOVING him will NOT FIX it.
Please let us know how things are going and ask all the questions you want....there is tons of valuable info on this site(not just the forums)
P.S. I am sure he is a good person and you can't imagine he won't "work" with you on this issue.....if he isn't learning all he can about it for his sake and the sake of the relationship, you are going to have a very long hard road.......hoping someday he will.