Hello, We've been married for 40 years and it's been hell relieved by me making my own happy times. I have three children with him.

On the plus side he works hard and has always supported the family and home.

On the negative side he panics in ordinary but new situations, like a self service checkout, makes rash decisions and causes chaos which he blames on the machine, same when traveling.

He has no outside interests so constantly roams around the house moving stuff and causing more work. Can never find anything, doesn't put stuff away or even close doors. Sequencing is not his strong point - I once fell and broke my leg and had to mange the situation in small chunks till the ambulance arrived. Headless chicken springs to mind.

Six months into the marriage I thought he just hated me as he stopped any affection and pushed me away emotionally, not that we were emotionally close from the start. I thought from his (with hind site) controlling behavior and anger that I wasn't a good enough wife so tried harder, working till 3am putting right things he shouted about, while he slept. The children were special requests as I wanted a family and felt I could manage given that I had a nice home and he had a job. I loved having them but it was a struggle, managing him and them. He took nothing to do with the day to day jobs and I had to tell him to cuddle them.

while the children were young I worked when he was home or I organised a baby sitter. When they were older I left him three times, each time going back because he showed signs of being nicer to me - still no physical or emotional closeness. Following the final return to the marital home, I worked away from home for 10 years.

Im over 60 now and had to take early retirement due to illness. He should retire next year if he can tear himself away from work. 

How do I manage the rest of my days with him. He still tries to control my life, he still gets angry (a lot - but of course that's my fault), he takes over many things but makes a point about it - could I be tidier, downsize, be more organised. I have my friends and we have a few couples whom we see but I no longer cater for them at home as he used to shout and complain prior to their arrival. He never thinks the house is clean enough, tidy enough but his room is a disgusting tip. I keep the house clean and as organised as I can in the face of his lack of organisation.

People say how nice he is but he lies about even trivial things. He will even tell a lie quoting untrue technical data to avoid a discussion about a new project in or around the house. 

If I could pin down the problem, I might be able to find a way of communicating with him for the better.

hope someone has some ideas.