If men are from Mars and women are from Venus then I think when we drop the tape measure on a clinical level adhd thinker and one who is not....You come up with Mercury and Pluto....It seems this difference is or can be an insurmountable challenge to many marriage relationships. When I was 4 or 5, the little girl next door (she was maybe 4 or 5 also) came outside and got naked. The first thing I noticed was she had no PP....My very first view of Venus At least some things when Mars deals w/ Venus are visible...Which at least gives us a fighting chance...But since we can't take our minds out and let each other examine them, Mercury must learn to understand Pluto on the fly...There in lies the problems...
I just wanted to take a moment to encourage all Mercury/ Pluto relationships out their, being in one gives me great empathy along w/ great respect for the resolve and fortitude you display day to day, no matter if your Mercury or Pluto...Now I'm no expert, (world"s greatest understatement LOL) so I can only speak for myself and my own experiences....But, I also have absorbed a lot of material the past several years and read a LOT:) of posts...Also, I have been encouraged spiritually.
There are common themes that I would like to bring up in this post....Negative emotions and negative attitudes that only produce tunnel vision and strained relations will NEVER produce a workable relationship, NEVER....And I hate the word never, but, in this case I feel it's warranted...
Do you know what understanding and acceptance of Now/ Not Now will do for your relationship when you live your life knowing this is your partners normal (Pluto)....And Pluto do you know what understanding and acceptance will do for your relationship when you understand your spouses "normal" is more Big picture planning, and "Now" will most always be to late for them....They will be putting finishing touches on their part of the project when you decide to start you part.....The reason we fight about this is Non Acceptance!
Non Acceptance says I will go to hell and take you with me, declaring I'm right.....Acceptance say's I respect your rights to do it your way....Will there be boundaries in this kind of acceptance? It don't have to be if Mercury and Pluto don't try to take advantage or use the other....
What about act/ react?? Same thing...They say for every action there is a reaction....But they didn't mean it had to always be negative....But sadly, way to often in a Mercury/ Pluto relationship act/ react is negative....This takes Self-awareness and life management skills...If you are consumed with Anger, Bitterness and Self Righteousness like the author of this post has been why to often, there isn't much hope for you....(No matter if your from Mercury or Pluto) At least until you break the chains of this heart disease....
When you accept and expect that what is going to come out of your partner's mind (actions, words,) is not what your mind is producing and not judge it....Then you can start to be free....
This post isn't about denial, it isn't about right or wrong, or a victim mindset ....It's about Acceptance and the ability to be at peace......If we can get to this place of no response, no judgments, no enablement, just pure respect for each others way of living life....This is the best we can do individually to allow, Mercury and Pluto to exist in a peaceful Solar System....
There are many things we will endure (give and take) to abide peacefully together under the best of circumstance's (Venus/ Mars)....If you are doing the work of recognition, and acceptance of reality, of what a peaceful life means in (Mercury/ Pluto) your relationship I applaud you!!!
Blessings to all...
C
Rumbling
Submitted by DependentOrigination on
This post has been rumbling around in the back of my mind for a few days now. Things have been good between my husband and I. The words ADD are slowly slipping into our everyday conversation. The other day, I asked my daughter, how come her breakfast dish made it only as far as off the table and not into the dishwasher, which was left open, specifically for her dish (she was aware)... My husband yelled from the other room, "I understand how her brain works". Progress. Acceptance. That maybe his brain does work differently than mine.
I have really been focusing on myself. Doing what I want, what feels good to me. Without feeling guilty, or wondering what "thing" my crazy husband is up to. It has been liberating. And I have my three boundaries on a trigger, waiting for boundary violation so I can remind my husband, lovingly, where my lines are.
1. His schedule is his problem. If he overextends, his life does not start taking over mine in compensation. (I woke up living his life for him, one day... it was a terrible experience. I hope to never do it again).
2. His finances are his problem. If he ends up working the rest of his life and dying in debt, not my problem. We tried to manage our finances together. He could NEVER stick to the plan. So I am now managing my own finances independent of his. And amazingly I feel great about it.
3. His ex. Who he shares the dog with. No longer has anything to do with me. If he wants to keep the dog, it won't bother my sanity or my mental health. At all. Ever. I don't want to see her, or hear her name, or have to go to her house, or have her at my house. His problem. Not mine.
Last night, my husband and I had plans to meet at 7 pm. I didn't hear from him all day, so by about 5 pm, I knew he wasn't going to be coming. And it was totally fine. I had invited a friend along as well, and we had a fantastic time. I finally texted him at 1100 at night (I was staying in my apartment in the city, he was at our country home) and asked him if he was still alive, as it would be embarrassing if he had died, and no one reported him missing for 48 hours. He was alive. At home. Sleeping and watching TV. And his mind had completely removed my existence, because for some reason, he thought our plans had been canceled. And normally, I would take this personally. And today, I didn't. Because it had nothing to do with me. And I had contingency planned.
Acceptance of reality. And this morning, when I woke up, a bit lonely, a bit afraid, a little lost, I remembered my post. I remembered that I was going to a job, that I loved. I remembered that my daughter is 17, and I will only be a single parent on a day to day basis for a few more months. I remembered that there is a whole world out there, full of exciting and wonderfully rich things. And that loneliness and sadness, probably wasn't worth the emotional energy I expended on it.
So thank you. Although sometimes it feels good to say, to hell with it... I am right. And I find if I say it inside myself, without anger or bitterness or fear or loss or hurting anyone else with my rightness, it creates a bit of strength. So that I can forgive. And be kind. And be a better spouse.