What level of our actions are by choice vs an inability?.....How fixed is human behavior?....What purpose does emotion play (act, react) in the over all scheme of human molding?....Does it help or hurt? Is it wasted energy? Or, do you feel it's productive?? What does society and our own relationships, tell us about the ability or inability for change (not considering spiritual enlightenment) with in a human mind??
Should every thing said or done that is not sought or heard.... Stop!
Just wondering, what you think.....I think our minds, left to the human part of us, is just floundering for truth, and at best, it will always work out in a selfish model....I also think verbal communication where awareness and a desire to engage isn't in both or all parties, is dysfunctional at best...And very limited when it comes to producing agreement and understanding...
If we discipline ourselves to this end, can we avoid forming unhealthy opinions, will it limit the temptation to judge another person or speak hurtful words....Doesn't our living of life on a daily bases, (the fruit we produce) clearly state who we are, without one word being spoken??
What about you? What are your feelings?
C
A Box of Chocolates
Submitted by jennalemone on
Conditioning, habits, culture expectations, physical health (or not), environment....all these things add to who we are and how we feel. AND as I see in my own children and grandchildren....different minded kids come from the same family. People do change. I know I have changed. So it seems to me we are a mixed bag of histories and environment and heart and birth order. Most of us on this board are "minds ... just floundering for truth". But everyone is not alike. Obviously my H's mind is not only NOT floundering for truth but rather spends his days denying, distracting and tiptoeing through the moment giving a show of "haha, pulled one over again, haha, pat, pat whew! - unconcerned with integrity or truth...but concerned with hmmmmm....I don't know what because he does not truly share his thoughts and feelings....they are hidden or unknown - he spends his mind in camoflage. I can't possibly even being to understand being that way - independent and guarded, but I am finally realizing and accepting that people are very different. H is very different from me. Those couples who find their soul mate are very rare and fortunate. This is life.
Our opinions are not unhealthy. They are just our opinions. If the love of our life WANTS us in their life they may need to persue us. Yet we know that the game of manipulating them for their love is not who we want to be. This is life. Sometimes you get the maple one. What are you going to do with it?
I really like your points Jenna....
Submitted by c ur self on
{Conditioning, habits, culture expectations, physical health (or not), environment....all these things add to who we are and how we feel....}
I would like to look at these individually....I will spend some time thinking about these as they apply to myself...Thanks for your reply....
I agree with you that people can change...I think it's very difficult to do with in ourselves....But I do believe it's possible....The molding that takes place in our minds and lives because of what we are subjected to (your list above) from birth on is how most people die...(in my opinion)....But then I see people take a long look at their lives and completely change....New way of thinking, new way speaking...It may not be part of the human condition (our ability) that empowers this change...But I've seen it.....
I can feel your pain coming through your words, as I'm sure you do my own at times....But, I can also feel your strength, determination, and your desire for truth....I admire you...
C
Patience.
Submitted by smd1409 on
I thrive on all these sorts of questions. The little ones the big ones, but I believe I see what it is you're trying to get through and it compares to my beliefs too.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but what you meant by this post (in my own words) is that when we try to understand things which cannot be understood, we come to conclusions that only serve to entertain our wants and needs, and in situations wherewith there is friction between two sides, all this does is created hatred for the other group. For me I explain this as logic taken too far. When we don't understand something, we want an explanation straight away and we want it to make sense, however sometimes we mix truth with pleasure and so to 'make sense' no longer means an understandable truth but instead a comforting lie.
It is this sort of line of thinking that leads me to act along the statement of making judgements and not judging, with regards to negative situations at the least. When you judge you inevitably attach feelings to it. If you think someone is being lazy then you become irritated with them. You ask them to change and they don't. You think someone is being selfish and so you ask them to be more caring about others. As always, they might not. It doesn't actually mean they are bad people, it may simply mean there is a hidden logic in there that you can't see. However, those statements are technically expressions of what you want, not actually actions made by you or the other side. When you make judgements, if you believe someone to be lazy or selfish, you don't need to add emotions to it. You ask them to stop being lazy and get up first, or to care about others. When that fails, they are now in your way and need to moved, gently or forcefully. Your judgement is that this person is being acting in a negative manner and I can't have them being that way (this is something that needs to be decided and to what extent; you cannot have everything and what you think may not always be justifiable despite your beliefs, and this is an incredibly important point to make that requires a whole other post). This leads you to research, to plan, to try and try until it gets off you. There's no longer that added stress of 'this will never go away' emotionally, just simply a matter of when. Because when you ask someone to change, you're simply waiting for something that might happen, and that's what causes frustration. It's that instability of when and you not seeing any improvements. When you do something yourself, you get to see whether it produces results, and if not you keep trying and trying and in different ways until it does. Like a large boulder in the road. You either wait for someone or something to move it or you go and move it yourself. If it's too heavy to move, get stronger, either through physical strength alone, strength in numbers, a vehicles, break it, whatever you want. You no longer have to wait and so the only frustration is through your own inabilities that you are now trying to correct.
I know all this might sound a bit too philosophical and complex, however all this comes exactly from asking all those sorts of questions and searching for the answers to it. However the big difference between finding a false truth and the actual truth is by being patient for the answer and accepting that you cannot understand everything. It may be 10 years before I even begin to understand something (this isn't rare, much more common than you think), it may be 1000, which is beyond my life span. It may even be never, but I have to accept that the significant majority of things in life I cannot understand instantly. That won't stop me from trying to understand. What's most important at end of the day however, whether I understand or not, is finding something that works with what I need and what I am able to cope with until then.
I love this smd1409...
Submitted by c ur self on
I will take some time w/ your post and reply later..It's very late, and I must sleep, if I'm going to feel fit in the morning....Thank you...
C
Patients is better than understanding:)
Submitted by c ur self on
My questions come from my own sufferings (my faulty way of seeing and Interacting with my own mind mostly, as well as others) when I attempt to interact (love them) with others; esp...family....
When someone goes their way in life, and that life isn't a responsible path. But one of selfishness and riotous living (self pleasing) for the most part...It is very difficult for me (who for many years has tried to be a person who loved, who lived responsibly, who trusted in the creator for life) to continue to reach out to their wants of me....
It really is simple when I hear it from some one else (the flip side)....Oh, just love them from a distance, pray for them, but don't enable them....But, when it's a father, brother , wife, it's not as easy as the words on the paper....So coming to the place where my love and my ability to not enable, doesn't create pain and emotion in me, has been difficult...
So many talks I have had with myself in order to hold myself accountable in this...THING ! haha...wow!....(but sadly even the soliloquies are emotional, and end up more times than not, creating repentance in me for allowing my mind to go down that road..AGAIN :)....
Acceptance of those we love and their life styles can be quiet easy when it's out of site out of mind....But, when your heart jumps into your throat, when their names start popping up on your phone screen UGH..It's just been a battle for me to deal w/ it, calmly and peacefully, for quiet some time....
So in all honesty I really wanted to ask others (you guys) how you deal w/ those you love (in a very ambiguous way) when their intrusive lives, start dumping on you....Have you mastered loving those family (if you have any) who would use you...(they wouldn't call it that, they don't even recognize it don't think) for their own benefit, once their good time life isn't such a good time any more??
Am I the only one who can suffer emotionally and not truly know what to say?? I know I can't change them, and I really don't want to deal w/ the place their living of life has brought them to...(I guess that's my own selfishness) Because they have refused to hear the voice of discipline, and live with any self control when it comes to what is truth...(Who is truth)....
What I think is going on to some degree is what I call tunnel vision thinking....We can keep pursuing life in this world in such a selfish way....That we can't SEE anything else.....That is why I believe what I said in my earlier post....Most people live out their lives stuck in the mind-set of...What is good for ME....
Anyway, I am praying for peace with my struggles, I am praying to know when to stop speaking and engaging when it's not being heard...I'm also seeking to accept those that I love's circumstances as their choices...Without emotion on my end, no matter how much I hate the reality of where their life style has taken them to....
I must give mercy and grace, as well as I've desired it and received it....And some times that grace will just be a quiet hug....Words; and even thoughts,can be quiet the enemy to the speaker when they are falling on deaf ears and a close mind...
Thanks smd 1409...Just allowing me to put this into words is helpful.....
C