So, what about that question of how do you show support for someone's plans when you know they aren't likely to bear fruit? It's very important to my husband to feel like I believe in him. There's all this history for people with ADHD of failure and they feel that constant shame. I don't want my loved one to feel that way. I want him to feel good about himself. But... And yet... Years and years of promises, of enthusiasms that end before anything comes of them. And somehow, try as I might, the cost falls on me. I support us. I clean up the messes (literally and figuratively). I don't want to be the parent. I don't want to be punitive. Nor do I want to be enabling. I keep being supportive of his ideas and efforts to do something productive, but so far, none of it has panned out (in ten years together, but we are in our 50's and his past history is pretty much the same - 3 years of a full-time career 20 years ago). He is falling into despair and nothing I do makes it better - I think he almost resents me more for being supportive because then when he doesn't follow through it makes him feel worse.
Being supportive
Submitted by SweetandSour on 11/25/2017.
Thank you.
Submitted by smd1409 on
To be honest, I have a few problems with the world’s common point of view when it comes to trust and what it means, as well as how people deserve it, but I won’t bore you with my thoughts, just the necessary bit you need.
If you trust he can do something, well, we both know that much more likely than not it’s going to end up in failure (that goes for me and my endeavours too) and so we can’t fully commit to that train of thought in order to help him. However we can say we trust him to have done everything that he could have to succeed at it, and that he is going to keep trying until he gets it right. This is much more realistic and believable, and every time he tries, whether he fails or not, it will only increase our respect for him and his ability to persevere. We are much more likely to commit to this train of thought and thus more energy and genuine hope can be put across to him while having less energy placed on questioning our train of thought.