I am wondering if anyone else feels guilty about your ADHD marriage and its effect on your children?  I know I do.  My husband and I have been married 21 years, and almost certainly should not have had children at all. But, because I was too disorganized to make sure I didn't run out of birth control, our daughter was conceived before we really knew each other well enough for such a commitment and the rest is history.  21 years and three children later, I am struggling with feelings of guilt and shame for all the fighting, the constant chaos, the mess, the drama, the numerous moves, the constant school changes.  I feel like we were like children trying to raise children and even though they seem mostly ok, as a social worker, I know that children need stability and constancy to thrive and that is something we could never manage to pull off.  My oldest daughter still walks out of the store when I get to the checkout counter if I am using a debit because my card has been denied for no funds so many times in her life that she is embarrassed to be seen with me (and we make plenty of money--just zero money management skills). She has actually developed a phobia about this and won't go anywhere without hundreds of extra dollars in her own bank account so she is never caught without funds at the checkout counter.  But the worst thing is the constant fighting between my husband and me--it has worn us all down and I feel so ashamed of not being able to be a better role model to my children.  I know what a healthy marriage involves, but was never able to pull it off.  Both my husband and myself are VERY impulsive, have no filter, are extremely impatient and almost instantly frustrated, and get very worked up very fast.  My kids have NEVER seen us work as a team, or use healthy communication skills to resolve conflict, or develop a plan and stick to it.  In our house, it is always "every man for himself" because we are five ADD'ers who are very poor team players with short attention spans, poor coping skills, and and behavioral "tone deafness" (being oblivious to how annoying our behavior is to each other--for example--my husband can';t stand noise and both me and our oldest daughter are naturally LOUD.  We walk loud, talk loud, make noise just about constantly but are not aware of it until my husband is losing his mind)  Although there is tremendous love in our home, there is also so much that is just exhausting and dysfunctional and draining.  I know I  have been a terrible role model and that I have failed my children in this way.  When I was younger, I always thought  I had time to fix it and things would get better, but now our two oldest are grown and we have run out of time. I feel like a total failure because my ADHD marriage hurt them as collateral damage and they didn't ask to be born into this mess.  I hate ADHD and how it has crippled my family life for over two decades now with no end in sight. I feel like we have been robbed of any semblance of normalcy by this disorder and I am ANGRY as well as guilty and ashamed for not being able to do better.