Hello, My husband and I have been married for 9 years, together for 14. We have a 9 year old daughter. He is undiagnosed ADHD and I am the non-ADHD partner. We are currently enrolled in the self study seminar. I just wanted to share our story and see if it sounds familiar to anyone.
Basically, I no longer feel like I have a sense of self. I am very lonely. I have been on medication for anxiety and depression but neither seemed to help. We try to exercise and eat right. But I feel like the way we live our lives have caused a lot of chaos.
When our daughter was born, everything got a lot worse. We moved across the country when she was 9 months old to be closer to his mom so she could help us out. Since then, my husband went from being a successful self employed IT guy to someone who lacks self drive and motivation. I feel like I am always blamed for everything. I have always worked full time in health care and provided the benefits.
At one point when she was 4 we tried moving back to where we had originally lived, however our relationship got out of control and I was afraid to be around him. I was also very depressed. So we decided to move to an entirely different state which we tried for a year but it didn't work out so we ended up moving back to where his mom lives, which is where we are currently. When we returned we ended up selling our house which we had been renting out and have now been living with his mom for 7 months. He travels out of state for work so mainly I am living here with my daughter and his mom and step dad. I don't really have any friends however I have continued to work full time and am trying to make the best of it.
He said we are going to have to move again since he cant find work here, which leads me to have another round of anxiety. However this time his mom said she would move with us.
He has never been tested or treated for ADHD however everything described in the course seems to totally fit our relationship. I guess I mainly want to feel not so alone and that's why I am reaching out to this community. He has been actively listening to the courses and I feel like this might get us on the road to maybe leading a happy life again.
Thanks for listening.
Choices......christinarn
Submitted by c ur self on
Look around and ask yourself why can couples live healthy and for the most part, stress free under the same life circumstances as my husband (one child) and I ?? In reading your post, it sounds like a lack of discipline and poor choices....There is so much you aren't saying here, that is attributing to the unwise things you are saying.....
Based on all the neediness ( grown woman living w/ her mother in law) I would say you and your husband or spoiled, hate responsibility...A life of poor choices....
You know something is wrong, or you wouldn't be reaching out here...Some of your points concerning your husband screams instability and chaos....Many women on this forum deal w/ men who can't or want discipline themselves to work for others....When they try and can't hold a job, it's ALWAYS the fault of the employer or someone else....Life isn't about living it on our own terms!....No, if a person is so selfish, that they want discipline their lives to place their spouse and children ahead of their own selfish desires, then they will never be fit to be a parent or spouse....
All self employed partners aren't bad, on the contrary, many or highly intelligent, high energy and very committed....But those type individuals will always be able to take and hold any kind of job, in order to supply the needs of their family, and will always be there for there spouse and family....
If you are reading this reply, and it's making you angry, ask Why?? One or two things will become obvious to you....I'm angry because he is right....Or I'm angry because I have allowed myself to trust in (follow the illusions of a selfish dreamer) someone who is leading me down a road of bad choices....(lacks discipline)....
This forum can be a place to come and experience support, fellowship, and understanding.... (get real help)...Or... it can just be a place to vent, whine and complain...(Be the victim)...It's up to you, do you want to change your situation?? It takes work.....
Blessings
C
No this is really good! I
Submitted by christinarn on
No this is really good! I wanted some feed back. I probably didn't phrase my first post very well. I was just trying to sum up the past 10 years. I agree with everything you said and a lot of things are out of control at the moment and I need to own up to them. Mainly I just need to find a place where I can talk to other people and not keep living like I have for the past 10 years. A lot of things need changing, a lot of work needs to be done. I have always agreed with your comments on other posts. This website has really helped me find a group of people that share similar situations that I am in and I know a lot of women are on their own and I'm blessed having family nearby. I do need a kick in the butt to get myself out of this hole and reading this forum has helped alot. Thank you for your feedback.
U have a wonderful attitude...No denial....
Submitted by c ur self on
Things don't get sideways for us over night...It's just years of being comfortable w/ out discipline or questioning our choices....And, it want correct it self over night either...But if you stay in a positive mind, you will come around to a more healthy life style....You can't change anyone (husband) else...But you can be honest w/ yourself....Here's a big ((((HUG)))) for you....
I will pray for you....
C