I've been with my OH for 2 years and living together for 6 months. We had a rough first year and broke up a couple of times but this time, it's "for real" and he's 100% in. He had always made a joke of being ADD and OCD but when a co-worker came to me and shared a book about ADHD and said she thought that my OH might have it, I really started taking it seriously. I started reading (still reading) The ADHD Effect on Marriage so I can learn more about it and how it affects or could affect our relationship BEFORE it goes sour. We have identified that he probably IS ADHD albeit undiagnosed at this time. Once his insurance kicks in, we plan to get him in for an actual diagnosis and begin treatment.
Before he moved in, he used to smoke and drink and smoke marijuana. Now, he's quit smoking and barely drinks but when he conquers one addiction, another one pops up. Now, he drinks coffee non-stop and smokes pot 1-3 times a day. He says it helps him focus. It does not make him slow and dopy like your typical "pot-head". In fact, I can barely tell the difference between when he's smoked and when he hasn't other than when having a conversation he tends to get off topic a lot!
I can't imagine that either of these "self-medicating" remedies are good for him? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Self-medicating
Submitted by bowlofpetunias on
Caffiene is a stimulant, so it can be used (abused) as self-medication for ADHD. Nicotine also works this way.
Self medicating is, at best, a crutch that is used to avoid getting real medical help. It also avoids the non-medication treatments that a crucial (therapy and/or life coaching, introspection).
Make sure it does not end up as an excuse to avoid diagnosis and treatment. "I'm fine when I drink coffee and light up, so why do I need to go to some shrink?"
It can lead to much more serious consequences, of course, if something like alcohol or meth are the chosen "medications."
Is the stimulant (coffee) ok?
Submitted by litlone873 on
Is the stimulant (coffee) ok? It seems like it would exacerbate the problem (but what do I know, I'm still learning).
What about the marijuana? Does it actually work to focus?
I feel like a nag for telling him to ease up on the coffee and pot. If it might be helping, should I let it go?
He is very open to "real" medication as soon as we can get him in for diagnosis but that could be 1-2 months between finding a psychiatrist that takes medi-cal and then getting treatment.
Hi Litlone873
Submitted by kellyj on
I'm certainly no expert on Marijuana or Caffeine...and I never really drank coffee ( ever ) to have much input into That? I also never smoked until my 50's ( which was only understandable to me at least ) with some major changes in my personal attitude and simply being subjected to it on a social level...but never went any further. I drank regularly...but moderately ( the one to two beers at most ) after work to relax...but no other drugs to speak of, not even aspirin since I really had an aversion to pills. I stopped using Marjuana ( more just grew tired of it ) but I was mostly ( comfortably) a recreational ( contingent on the circumstances) user of drugs in any way?
So, aside from drinking only....beer and an occasional wiskey ( rarely or not getting drunk often ) that was it for years with me.
I contend however, that this was still self medicating which I will say only from where I am now....this is not necessarily a bad thing as it can take on a negative connotation.
O didn't use to feel this way either. I had some strong feelings in a negative way ( or judged others as one might.....if they saw them dependent on a drug which I was raised with this notion...plus what they taught you in any public formal education. Just say NO to drugs Nancy...I was there too.
The word "drugs"....this so called war on opiates or addiction appears no different than I ever remember going back to Jr High school except there...the slogan was...."Speed Kills". They had a picture ( I recall so well I could draw it right now ) of a guy...riding on a big Syringe like a Witch ..with his hair flying straight back as he was hurtling to the ground with this crazy look of ....crazy on his face? lol....which was posted right at the door of health class? Pretty visual image...of what "Speed" does to you? It Kills you....and makes you crazy...and then you crash and burn and die. At least...thats what they taught you...and "Drugs"....are bad. Especially, the illegal ones! They kill you, and you die! lol
This doesn't help, if you actually need a drug for something legitimate which ADHD and related issues ie: overwhelm, depression, and anxiety just to name the ones I've had to do battle with.
So yes, I was self medicating for a reason...that no one knew about including me? Once I tried or started on Adderall....everything changed.
I no longer felt the need to drink at all....and just kind of stopped. Mainly ( and only ) cuz, I didn't feel like it anymore? For no other reason. Alcohal, just wasn't on the problem list for me and no one including me saw a problem with it? And I still don't much at all....one or two beers ....but now, on rarer occasions.
What I did notice tho...was the urge to smoke cigarrettes...which I never did before? The nicitine, seems to play off the Adderall....so I guess it acts more like a booster...maybe more like Caffiene in the same way.
I recently did an experiment just to see this last week...and went 5 1/2 days without taking my meds which was enough time to revert back to where I am without. I had to get past the first few days to get it out of my system. After that....it all started coming back to me since I was on my own at that point.
What I experienced more than anything else was anxiety...and a couple if days of depression. Then ..it was just like old times again.
I've seen been re-experimenting with Marijuana since it's no longer illegal where I live. This changed things dramatically and some poeple I've met ( who never would do it for that reason alone....are now telling me how great it works for anxiety. lol I conclude that myself a long time ago so It's funny yo hear those who never did go "wow ..this is great, but don't tell anyone" LOL That was me in High School so It's funny to hear middle aged poeple doing the same thing now....some 40 years later.
The point being....that I'm not advocating it for anyone....but, now that I tried it without anything else....I wieghed that against using Zoloft in contrast. Zoloft works for me with Depression just fine...but it has this one nasty side effect...where I feel like I'm going to tip over. Literally! Very annoying....especially because I have good balance otherwise? So now.....I have to give up...one of my strengths, so I won't be depressed? That's depressing all on It's own. Lol
There is no perfect world or perfect drug to take....since it isn't a cure? It helps alot....but It's no magic wand
And just like I did back a while ago, I got tired of the side effects of anything no matter what it was?
To bring this into perspective.
A) Sometimes...I need something...when I can't management ever it is by myself. Before....it was hit and miss....up and down...but nothing reslky hit the spot. Kind of....but kind of is not like horse shoes. Close....is really not quite there.
So...if you take away the stigma, the illegal or any other preconceived notion like "Speed Kills".... with a crazy guy riding a syringe into the ground....all you've got is a drug like any drug...legal or not? For me ...taking "drugs" everyday was already too much....but in reality now ...my 2 beers....turned into to hits of pot....and really...nothings changed.
Zoloft works better in some ways...and not others. Marijuana....works better in some ways...but still....not others but...between alcohol, cigarettes ( or vapor cigerrettesv just nicotine)which I've switched to but want to stop completely, caffiene...which I'd have to start drinking coffee which makes me nauseous, and then Adderall....it's really easy for me to see what each one does and how well it works and for what purpose or thing...I'm taking it for?
Self medicating...is exactly what I'm doing and I'm managing each thing srperately...but at the same time?
Bottom line....I have it on whether I feel Okay....or not? I'm not trying to get high, I'm just trying to feel normal and yes....sometimes, I feel normal without taking anything? That's how I know...if something is off? What is more important than anything is the amount or dosage. Obviously....speed doesn't kill you....if you don't take too much?
Same applies to anything? Eating too much will probably do you in faster than a lot of things you can ingest into your body? I just try and listen to what my body is telling me...which really is the only way I know?
Which is me, self medicating or by any other name you choose to use? All I know is....it helps, compared to before.
As far as the Marijuana goes....the effects are minimal. Too much ...like anything else...is going in the wrong direction. You said 3 times a day? I'd like to know how much....before I say anything?
J
Thank you so much for your
Submitted by litlone873 on
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. He doesn’t always do it 3 times a day, for the most part st least once. And it’s usually one puff.
Im trying to understand my own thoughts and feelings about why it bothers me so much. Maybe it is a little bit of the stigma, that’s is “wrong” even though we too are in a state where recreational marijuana is legal.
This is partly why I’m writing. Maybe if I can get a better understanding of how it’s working for him, I can relax a bit and not be so bothered about it.
My 2 cents
Submitted by adhd32 on
My ADD son uses caffeine as a substitute for his medication if he has forgotten to take it and it is too late in the day when he remembers. H drinks a lot of coffee and is not medicated so my assumption is that he is self medicating with coffee. I cannot offer a theory regarding the weed, I'd guess it slows the racing thoughts.