After it's all said and done, I feel so sad and alone.
It feels like the only way I can get some emotional needs met is if I "give in" and accept that my husband is a slave laborer, and messy and we will never get out of this house because he won't get rid of his crap nor will he take care of his bills. He will never plan anything.... well you all know the drill.
In other words to get some companionship, I need to accept all these irritating bits.
He will be thrilled if I cook all the dinners and clean and continue to pay the bills. IOW be a perfect 1950's wife and a perfect 2018 breadwinner.
Sure, who wouldn't be happy with that......
This isn't compromise. This isn't working together. This is complete surrender into the ADD vortex.
I will get some companionship but at what cost?
barneyarff
Submitted by phatmama on
You nailed it. It is life with a disabled person. It has a strong caregiver/recipient dynamic. In my case, I agree to the tradeoff because I think all my life I have felt unworthy because of my mood disorder and my terrible temper. Kind of like--who else would put up with me, you know? But, many years ago (18 years ago, to be precise) I started medication which basically turns me into a normal person most of the time, so now I am no longer "one down" and feel very frustrated having to manage another adult who actually isn't in many ways. My mood issues have never been an all-day, every day dynamic in the way that his ADHD has. When my mood issues arise, they aren't pretty, but they are absent much of the time, unlike DH's ADHD which is 24/7. I do appreciate being accepted, though, for who I am and try to extend the same to him as a courtesy. We are both damaged in our own way and I try to just give him grace and accept the difficulties as part of the deal. I know it is hard, though, and no one can ever say it isn't. Yes, the cost of the companionship is high.