The other day I asked my husband why he just couldn't listen to me when I pushed him to do something, and that every time he told me "it's okay, calm down," I could pretty much guarantee that there would not be a good outcome.
Today, he was putting off getting bloodwork and taking a drug test for a new job he's getting. He has to take the test by noon today. He went yesterday, found out he had to fast for his bloodwork (to get a new prescription for meds, which he desperately needs) and then made an appointment for 10 am today.
At 9:30 he asked if I wanted to watch a TV show. I asked about his appointment. He said "it's not really an appointment, I can go when I want." I said "why don't you go now and get it over with?" He said "it's okay, calm down."
I say "this is exactly what we were talking about the other day."
And he put on his shoes and went to the appointment!
Good job, Dagmar
Submitted by Brindle on
First off, I noticed how he tried to make it about you being emotional or overreacting. So kudos to you for ignoring his attempt at spinning the whole thing to be about you.
Secondly, you did a great job of connecting the dots for him on how the dynamic works each time.
And he does get points for not fighting you further. I’m glad he put his shoes on and went, rather than digging in, out of stubbornness.
An ADHD support 'success' instance
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
Dagmar, I give you credit for achieving an 'ADHD support success' (i.e. AHDHer did what they were 'supposed to do' without you getting entangled in an emotional bloodbath). Still it seems exasperating...
It is exasperating
Submitted by Dagmar on
But it's much less exasperating to have him listen to me than for me to have to rush in and fix whatever while he's saying "I don't understand how this happened." It's like he lives in this world where he expects that everyone but him will be perfect.
It makes things easier for him...
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
It makes things easier for him if everything outside of him works perfectly because he's less likely to need to quickly react to unexpected circumstances.
It surely does.
Submitted by ADHDMomof2 on
Yes, this is true, alas. Coupled with lack of self-awareness of all the time he causes a crisis for other people; it's a charming combination. I have been guilty of this.