Question: who is doing something for themselves this weekend? Many of us may have Monday off, so...anything fun?? I dread the weekends--absolutely hate them so I make plans for myself. This weekend my 17 year old (senior in high school) is working all day all three days. He is a token taker at the boat launch by us and most of the college students who work at the beach have gone back so he picked up extra shifts. Lifeguards are done this weekend, too. So he will be occupied all weekend. The 19 year old will be around but he takes classes at the community college and works so he is likely to spend a lot of the next three days asleep! I am finishing the first two weeks back to school and I am EXHAUSTED so I plan to sleep super late tomorrow. Football game at the high school tonight--the high schooler plays in the marching band. I love the other band moms, so that is super fun. It's like our very own Friday Night Lights! Tomorrow after sleeping in, I may go for a pedicure and then sit out at a cafe and read my book. I got most of my school planning done for next week so I don't have much for the weekend. Sunday I go to 9am mass at my church that I love the meeting a friend for brunch after. Hoping to get to the beach Sunday afternoon and Monday during the day. For teachers this first long weekend is a life saver--we run on empty the first two weeks and then get a little reprieve over Labor Day!!!
I find if I get out of the house over the weekends it helps. DH is content to sit in his chair and watch you tube all weekend. I am not, especially if it is nice out. We live in a suburb of Chicago so nice weather is hard to come by--it's either freezing or 1000 degrees here! I love to go to the beach, or to a cafe and read my book, something like that. I don't need to do anything fancy, but I cannot sit in the house. I also want to take a nice long walk each of the three days. Exercise goes out the window the first two weeks back to school.
Those of us living with an ADHD person need to be pretty proactive about taking care of themselves or we will fall apart. What are some ways you plan to do that for yourself this weekend???
hugs to all-
dv
Weekend
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
Housework and Homework (mine)
My daughter is at her Dad's this weekend, my son in from college visiting before his classes start up.
I may go to the Farmers market tomorrow morning with my boyfriend.
Wow; nice plans, I hope it all comes true for you....
Submitted by c ur self on
When I was in your neighborhood, there was a nice walk/bike trail that run along the beach (the best I remember), that looked like a nice place to take walks....Maybe you can get your husband to give you foot massage (esp. after you get your pretty little toes done..lol)....
I look so forward to college football season (you know us Alabama fans, we are into it, lol) I will set around here most of tomorrow (oops, just remembered I have a birthday party to go to at 1:00) and watch SEC games...May throw steaks on the grill tomorrow evening....Tonight I'm not sure...I just got out of the shower and I've had no lunch (late breakfast, and cut the grass and worked in the yard....Nice out here.....I may go hit the Mexican restaurant tonight, (I love the chips and salsa, and most of the dishes)...Sunday is church and maybe a walk down by the river...My wife is still in bed, she's been there all day?? what ever....If she hasn't got any thing fun planned she had rather lay in bed than get up and do something constructive....Heaven forbid! LOL.....Well everyone enjoy your weekends....
c
Happy football watching! It
Submitted by dvance on
Happy football watching! It's Roll Tide in Alabama right??
I had to laugh at your suggestion of a foot massage--DH won't touch my feet for love or money. I quit asking a long time ago. He won't give me a back rub either. That all ended years ago. That's part of the reason I go for the pedicure--it's the only way to get some attention in that way! I actually cannot recall the last time there was any kind of touching at all. But I digress--I am looking forward to my weekend-going to do my own things, the boys are occupied, DH can take root in his chair for all I care. The football game got rained out tonight--started lightning so they cleared the stadium and then the heaven's opened. Didn't even make it to the halftime show. Oh well--there's another one next week and then the high school bank marches with Northwestern's band next Saturday--that is a blast!!!
Roll Tide Roll!...Yep, u got it..;)
Submitted by c ur self on
Sorry about the rain out....Northwestern's band marching w/ the High Schoolers....How cool is that for the kids? and encouraging...A little story about feet...When my wife and I were dating, I reached and touched her foot and said let me massage your feet...She quickly pulled her foot back, and said, Oh No, I don't do feet.....10 years later, now when I give her a body massage, if I slide off of her like I'm stopping w/ her back and hips, She starts kicking those legs up in the air...Don't forget my calves and feet...Yep, I've spoiled her..LOL....Oh well...Isn't that what grand kids and wives are for??
I think you and your husband are awfully young to not be touching....A big part of Marriage is about the ability to have someone to touch, and touch you, in a way that isn't sinful.....Of course you know that....I'm sure it happens for real reason's (health or age) at times....But when we just grow a part, because of our pride, attitudes, and unwillingness to work at it, that is sad for both partners...Both suffer I guess, even though that aren't even realizing it after a while....Anyway, I hope you have a wonder day....
c
Northwestern does a lot with
Submitted by dvance on
Northwestern does a lot with the Evanston public high school marching band--it's really cool. They come over once a season and march on the high school field with the high school marchers, our band goes there once a season and this band day next week there will be about 20 high school marching bands on the field--it's a blast. My son is a senior so he has done marching band all four years. I hope he marches in college. He is not very social (Asperger's) so the music stuff has given him an instant tribe and I think it would in college as well. Left to his own devices I fear he would go to class and sit in his dorm room and not much else. Music and drama departments tend to attract a wide range of kids-trans kids, gay kids, shy kids, flamboyant kids, weird kids-and he fits in there so I hope he marches in college. The music department at his high school is amazing.
I agree we are too young to have no physical stuff any more. I has slipped away in the past seven years since DH's breakdown. We used to be that couple that couldn't keep their hands off each other. I thought about your post and my first reaction was "I don't know what happened" but that's not true. Three other women happened. His poor grooming (scraggly beard, untrimmed nails) and weight gain happened. His lying happened. His lack of support with the boys happened. For example, I will get home from work and he will be watching TV with the 17 year old and I know from getting email alerts from his high school classes what homework he has (the student gets them too--DH could have signed up for them but did not). I will say "did you do your homework?". Child has not, so I say turn off the TV and go do it. Now, it may be 6pm and the child has been home since 4pm. What has he been doing and why did DH not insist he do his homework? The child could very well have lied to him and claimed he did it but knows he can't lie to me because I get the alerts, but this is DH's response: "Mom wants you to go do your homework". Um...don't YOU want the child to get decent grades??? Don't YOU want the child to learn responsibility?? But no, I'm the bitch who makes them turn off the TV and kills the fun. I really have no desire to be physical with that kind of person. He didn't used to be like that--he changed a great deal after his break down several years ago. The older child (for the most part an nice kid) will mouth off to me and DH will stand there and say nothing-he might pause the TV and look annoyed until I'm done and then sigh and put the TV back on. Again, hard to feel amorous toward that. If he is out of town, he will text and say he will be home at 5pm and then roll in a 8pm. If I ask where he was for those three hours he will say I never said that. If I show him the text he says I stopped for gas. Who takes three hours to get gas? Or he will say that's not what I meant. So I don't ask any more. He spends every minute he is not at work parked in his chair watching his iPad with headphones on. Not very conducive to any kind of relationship let alone a romantic, physical one. I miss physical contact, not just sexual, a back rub, a kiss on the neck, a pat on the butt, the casual brushes that you have with YOUR PERSON. I don't have a person any more. I have another obstinate teen in the guise of a man. The person I married 23 years ago has been gone for a while. The person I have now is a petulant, entitled, self absorbed man-child. Seven years ago was the break. We tried mightily to get back whatever we had before that but it is way gone. He won't take meds--he used to and that helped a lot. He won't see a therapist for himself, which I think he needs desperately. I wish he would figure out why he has no friends and no hobbies, why he refuses to parent his kids and instead wants to be their friend.
At this point I have worked as hard as I can. I have no more left to put in. How many times can I ask him to go do something with me and be told no? How many times can I ask him to join me for church and we'll go to brunch after and be told no and then finally I never believed in all that stuff any way. I have offered to send him to a man salon to get the awful beard shaped and trimmed-no. I have offered to make the eye doc appointment for the new glasses he needs (outdated prescription gives him headaches). We have vision insurance. He said no. His teeth and breath are awful. We have dental insurance--the boys' appointments this summer cost me $10 each and the dentist is a block from our apartment. I offered to make that appointment. No. What am I supposed to do with that? I spoke to a social worker at a community agency about divorce laws in Illinois. My next step is a mediator. My biggest fear is two things: DH is extremely passive but if we divorce and he falls apart I will not get the spousal support money I would be entitled to. OR he could get raging mad and turn totally unreasonable and screw me. His current job has headquarters in Dallas and I wouldn't be surprised if we divorced if he would move there and the kids would never see him. He gets fired pretty much every three years right on schedule so if that happened again and we were divorced, what's his motivation to get another job if it's to support the bitch who divorced him?
So I slept until noon and am now off to get a pedicure!!!
Those are real reasons....
Submitted by c ur self on
So, he quit on you, quit on the marriage, and sadly it sounds like he has quit on himself to large degree....I understand, there is nothing you can do about his lack of desire to do the work of a spouse....We can't make decisions or think for another person...Enjoy your pedicure!
c
Just one
Submitted by Stressed to the Max on
Opened a separate bank account. Wish it made me feel better.
The consistency of your own account will bring peace
Submitted by Will It Get Better on
Well it will make you feel better that the balance you last saw on the account will still be the same the next time you check (if you have not spent any money.) The 'holding your breath' before you see the latest current balance because you could never be sure ADHD withdrawals had not decimated it in the interim will be over.
To the beach
Submitted by jennalemone on
I, too wonder how people spend their time when not working. I filled my life and my days with work...between making a living and kid's activities. Now, I am at a loss. Although I still work part time in my business, I have a lot of time when it seems the only thing to do is work on the house, cleaning, shopping for things for the house, landscaping, cooking in the house. I used to enjoy all those things, but now I need companionship. I need some stimulus other than work on this country house alone all the time for so many years. That is it!....I need some stimulus. I also asked H what he would like to do this weekend. He said he wants to stay home and work on the house and yard. I want to SCREEEAAAAM! Since I just missed the time to go to church...wasn't in the right mind to go anyhow today....I am off to the beach to walk along the shore of Lake Michigan. dvance, I will think of you on the same shores. Walking in the sand and waves in the sunshine is healing and inspiring. That is a start. Then, maybe I will see if there are any friends/relatives who are not doing anything on Labor Day, and invite them over for burgers on the grill. My alter-ego has it in mind to manually push H's HUGE vintage truck (which has not been out of the 2-car garage for over 10 years - it doesn't run) and start to wash it with intention of selling it....I know H would take over (while yelling at me) if I started to do that. But, I just don't have the energy to push a big old truck by myself.
There is a small part of me that wants to start a fight with H. I would rather talk and plan and do an activity with my husband, but that just doesn't happen here. I have to go in to any communication knowing tht I must steel myself and not take anything personally and be SO CAREFUL that I do not say the wrong words that it is just too much work to be diplomatic when I am so angry inside and have so little respect or trust in him. So....to the beach.
This isn't helpful for today
Submitted by Libby on
This isn't helpful for today but have you thought of volunteering. I have met some wonderful people that way.