As you may know, I taught college for a couple years as a visiting faculty member. I adjuncted for a few years during grad school, but promised myself I would not be one of those people who continues to adjunct years after they complete their doctorates.
This is from a recent Chronicle of Higher Education article talking about the toll of adjuncting:
"The grief of not finding a home in higher ed — of having done everything as well as I was capable of doing, and having it not pan out; of being told over and over how well I was doing and how much my contributions mattered, even as the prize was withheld — consumed more than a decade. It affected my physical health. It affected my mental health. It ended my first marriage. It reopened all my fears from childhood about abandonment and rejection." https://www.chronicle.com/interactives/2019-03-27-childress
As I read this, I realized it also described my family life--being told how much I am valued and respected, but not actually being treated with consideration and respect. Quite often, it is the H in ADHD that prevents family members from being respectful in the moment. Whatever thought comes into their heads--even if motivated by rage at someone other than the target--has to be said or acted upon right then and there without any further reflection. This creates incredible conative dissonance when I am told, "Of course we respect you!"
Both before and after my ex
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Both before and after my ex-husband deserted me, he told me that our marriage was the best thing that ever happened to him. Huh?
Statements with no resolve
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Isn't it interesting how they can often say blanket statements with no further explanations or resolutions? My husband's family, (him diagnosed ADHD, mother, brother and sister undiagnosed ADHD but other psych problems were diagnosed) would all talk AT each other in broad statements, but not back and forth conversation where each felt "heard". They all had a difficult time being able to carry on a back and forth conversation. It was weird to watch, and listen to. These would quickly evolve into a kind of angry shouting frenzy, which made no sense, but it would happen often. They had difficulty conversing with just about anyone, and seemed uncomfortable in social settings. This all stemmed from their mother, who had a very difficult time raising 3 children with such a cluttered mind herself. These 4 people affected many others with their undiagnosed issues, their denial of what they DID know, and fear of facing themselves.