I am just tired, sorry but needed to vent.
My husband said he would have ADHD since his son was diagnosed. He was just like his son when he was a kid. We have tried counseling/treatment, took Dr Thomas Brown's test but the result was, he didn't have it. He was surprised about it though. We didn't know this test takes a patient's word, not family member or friends who are close to him/her. The doctor had some serious health issues, closed his clinic. End of the treatment.
The biggest issue I have is his abusive behavior. He is verbally abusive, has got physically abusive too. He says things are not true about me and this makes me so angry. Often times I can't hold but yell him back. Then he yells me back more and says "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!", goes to his room and close a door. When he got physical, I called 911 but I regretted it. Once police involved, people who I have never met were discussing about our issue. I had very hard time to contact my domestic violent advocate or police officer, not being able to know what was happening or what was going to happen clearly. I felt helpless/hopeless. After that, I stuff to myself even more. I feel I am more frustrated, irritated and angry. Then once things get smooth, which means I am the one to break the ice, his nice personality comes back but it doesn't last long.
We had an argument recently again, we didn't talk for 6 days, I broke the ice again. We had nice Friday and Saturday but last night, he became irritated because I couldn't tell who that was on the TV screen. He asked me if I knew that guy but I didn't, plus I was doing something else with my laptop. He gets irritated when he doesn't get my full attention. He doesn't give me his attention often times though. I get ignored often.
I probably just leave and get a divorce since I am complaining instead of being positive or trying to make some changes. I used to be like that but I am so so so tired being put down constantly. I wish I have energy to leave. Or at least I could have someone to talk without being judged. I feel like I stuffed inside too much, I became so heavy and tired.
Appreciate you are reading what I have in me now. Thank you so much.
I understand. I found it
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I understand. I found it exhausting to be married, too. My ex-husband has ADHD and some other disorders, and as a result, I ended up overfunctioning in our marriage. I did more of the housework, more of the paid work, more of the emotional labor with both my ex and our children.
Thank you. He wants me to
Submitted by teary lucy on
Thank you. He wants me to work more since I am a 20 hours part time but I do everything and get all blame... When things don't go well, it's my fault so I am anxious often. Feel like nothing is good enough for him. I would bounce back but now, I am just tired.
protect yourself now
Submitted by repeat that please on
With the history you've shared about physical and verbal abuse, get out while you can, even if just temporarily. You are on a slippery slope living with someone who still seems to be a threat to you physically and emotionally. Do you think your relationship with him will become safe without a period of cooling off while he gets therapy? I don't know, but if nothing changes, you expose yourself to more abuse, no?
"He is verbally abusive, has got physically abusive too. He says things are not true about me and this makes me so angry."
This is a shame, and there are people/organizations around that can help you, I believe. Take advantage of the seminars and reading materials that seem applicable. Keep reaching out. You are worth it.
Thank you for your response.
Submitted by teary lucy on
Thank you for your response. May I ask where did you go for support?
Thank you for your response.
Submitted by teary lucy on
Thank you for your response. May I ask you where did you go for support/advice and more?
where to go
Submitted by repeat that please on
I have never been in physical danger, so I've never gone anywhere for that issue, but I know there are shelters for battered women. Many localities have them.
The founder of this site is a great resource for all kinds of support. Relatives, friends, a hotel, may be options. Churches, synagogues, mosques, hospitals, police departments, may be able to help.
I was diagnosed and received 2 more reaffirmations by 3 medical doctors. I lived in Driven To Distraction. I applied at our local Office of Vocation Rehabilitation and received funding to attend ADHD training conferences. Twelve Step programs have been immensely helpful. The friends I've made are as important as the Steps.
Accurate Thorough Diagnoses
Submitted by repeat that please on
To me, it is important to make distinctions between ADHD and the multitude of faults/weaknesses/disorders people have that are not the result of it, or may exist along side ADHD.
I am not an M.D. obviously, but from familiarizing myself with some of the literature, that which is attributed to ADHD may be something quite different.
I copied the following from the Mayo Clinic and the NIMH websites:
schizoid personality disorder
"Don't react to praise or critical remarks from others
May appear to lack motivation and goals
Have difficulty expressing emotions and reacting appropriately to situations
Feel little if any desire for sexual relationships
Don't want or enjoy close relationships
Prefer being alone and choose to do activities alone
If you have schizoid personality disorder, you may be seen as a loner or dismissive of others, and you may lack the desire or skill to form close personal relationships. Because you don't tend to show emotion, you may appear as though you don't care about others or what's going on around you."
depression
"Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism
Irritability
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
Decreased energy or fatigue
Moving or talking more slowly
Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
Appetite and/or weight changes
Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause and/or that do not ease even with treatment
Not everyone who is depressed experiences every symptom. Some people experience only a few"
I am not attempting to diagnose anyone. I want to add food for thought regarding the dynamics in our interpersonal relationships. There are so many factors that may be at play that grieve us, a proper dx is critical. Ms. Orlov is a great place to start. She has been there/done that and is available to try to assist us with all that she has learned and she is affiliated with Hallowell.
I understand what you are
Submitted by teary lucy on
I understand what you are saying. We did try to get an accurate diagnose regards to what he has, no success yet and fights keep happening more often. More and more, he would not talk about it and I feel the support/help more. I understand he is sick and tired of being told something is wrong with him since he was a kid. He has a few concussion issues as well. We have gone to a doctor and specifically talked about his headache/migraine/mental issues so needed a neurologist but what we got was a nurse practitioner who specializes headache which we didn't know until we met her. Meanwhile we got nothing, I am tired and he is tired. This is where I am....
GO
Submitted by repeat that please on
A nurse practitioner (NP) is an advanced practice registered nurse (APRN) who is trained to assess patient needs, order and interpret diagnostic and laboratory tests, diagnose illness and disease, prescribe medication and formulate treatment plans. According to the American Association of Nurse Practitioners, a nurse practitioner is educated at the masters or doctoral level to provide "primary, acute, chronic, and specialty care to patients of all ages and all walks of life"
A Nurse Practitioner can be immensely helpful for all kinds of things. By all means, if you can see one, jump at the chance. They can prescribe meds and may know a great deal about the nuts and bolts of various disorders. They may have more practical knowledge than some M.D.s.
These symptoms may not be depression...
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
depression
"Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism
Irritability
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
Decreased energy or fatigue
Moving or talking more slowly
Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
Appetite and/or weight changes
Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause and/or that do not ease even with treatment
The symptoms I have highlighted are all the symptoms I've been having. I have Hyperparathyroidism. My Parathyroid Stimulating Hormone levels are more than two times the highest acceptable level.
A simple blood test to check PSH and blood calcium levels may rule out a physical ailment.
I am not a doctor but I do
Submitted by teary lucy on
I am not a doctor but I do believe many of his actions are from his health issues - concussions and food allergies. Plus his growing up seemed tough back then. I talked him into treatments and doctors, drugged him in but we have no luck to find a good doctor for this issue yet so far. Meanwhile, he would be more feeling worthless himself, irritated, not a fun person to be around. At the same time, I am very frustrated about the medical field around adult mental issues as well. his doctors are very hard to get an appointment, usually 3 months so we move to other doctors. A current doctor is now we have to pay $1500/year to join his medical group... Or a poor clinic managements - wrong billings so I had to constantly check EOB and call them back and other issues. Many patients left and we were the one of them. And a psychiatrist we have gone for awhile, he closed his clinic due to his health. I've gone to this site's ADHD savvy doctors page, have to read it through but I have contacted one of the clinics before regards to insurance. They didn't take any, means we pay first and work on reimbursement with our insurance company. I have done this with another doctor but it didn't go smoothly often times.
We were not just sitting around and watch things getting worse. We tried so many things but we still haven't found a realizable professional. We visited a doctor who supposed to be a ADHD specialist. We told him about my husband's mental issues, but he hadn't had an official diagnose yet so wanted to have some test or something. The doctor just gave my husband Vyvanse to try and see what happens!! The med didn't work well...
At this point, I feel like I need a little break, just take care of myself. As long as I leave him alone, he hasn't been ok. It always happens when I react him back. I need to leave him alone when he starts irritated but it's hard so here I am, venting...
Thanks for listening.
options
Submitted by repeat that please on
"Meanwhile, he would be more feeling worthless himself, irritated, not a fun person to be around."
First things first. Your safety is key. Be safe. Take care of that area first, is my suggestion. Also, they may have insurance available for those in need in your state.
Feeling terrible about ourselves is common among undiagnosed and untreated ADHDers, although he might be suffering from other things or other things in combination with ADHD. A NP may be able to get you started in the right direction.
I worked under the supervision of a lovely, wonderful, kind, very bright woman who was an MSW. She left our place of employment and went to work for an organization that specialized in ADHD. Afterward, one day we had lunch and discussed her new job. At the same time I read an article in the newspaper about ADHD symptoms in adults. I said, "I think I have some of the symptoms." She looked at me and exclaimed, "O, you have ADHD!" My life changed forever after that and she was not an M.D. but she knew me!
BE SAFE. Keep reaching out. You are doing the right things right now by sharing here.
thank you :)
Submitted by teary lucy on
thank you :)
Thank you for your thoughts
Submitted by teary lucy on
Thank you for your thoughts and I do agree with you. We have been trying but no luck yet....
Life doesn't have to be this bad
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Hey Lucy... do you think you can seek out some local help with your situation? Talk to someone qualified (e.g. someone at a Women's shelter or centre) who can help you assess your situation and get you out safely and with enough resources. These people have seen situations like yours many times and will be able to discuss your best options based on your risk, finances and support system.
I know how hard it is to leave a relationship like this. It can be scary because abusers can double down and make your life miserable when you leave and that fear can be paralyzing. Often the longer you stay, the harder it becomes to go though. Do you wish you'd done it a year ago? If so, start looking into your options. Assessing your choices doesn't mean you are making a choice just yet. But his abuse has escalated from verbal to physical and he is likely capable of ratcheting that up as well over time, making your situation even more dangerous. I am so glad you talked to us about this. Don't stop! Please, please talk to someone else who can help you do this right and keep you safe. You are so worth it.
I second this 100%
Submitted by daizzebelle on
Hi Lucy, I'm very concerned for you. Please get help. An excellent resource is https://www.thehotline.org
If it's not safe for you to talk on the phone, you can chat instead with a trained advocate.
Thank you. I have contacted
Submitted by teary lucy on
Thank you. I have contacted before, nice to being heard.
Hi Lucy, I can relate...
Submitted by daizzebelle on
My Ex is an abuser. The abuse started before we got married. I thought if I tried harder things would get better. So I tried harder. Things did not get better.
Like another poster mentioned, ADD does not cause a person to be abusive. Mental illness also does not cause abusiveness. Yes, ADD and mental illness need treatment, but abusiveness is a separate problem that also requires treatment.
When I left my Ex I read a book called Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. Very eye opening. It helped me a lot. Here is a link to his blog. http://lundybancroft.com/blog/
Please do reach out for help. I know you are exhausted...I was too. After I left my Ex I felt like I could breathe again for the first time in 10 years. After a few days of no contact with him I felt like I had gotten out of jail. Stay safe.
Did your ex have some mental
Submitted by teary lucy on
Did your ex have some mental illness? I have talked many domestic violence volunteers and was told what you mentioned. Thanks for your thought.
I don't know why some people
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
I don't know why some people become abusive or are abusive. From my experience, I don't think my ex-husband had a mental illness. I believe he enjoyed having me under his thumb and being in control at least in one aspect of his life. Or so he thought.
I know someone who had a very abusive childhood. Years later it was found out that his abuser suffered several head injuries during their lifetime. Still no excuse to abuse a child. No excuse to abuse anyone.
Mental illness
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Hi Lucy - just thought I would chime in. I had a boyfriend for two years and it turns out he had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He was not physically abusive, but mentally/emotionally very much so. Once I learned what I was dealing with, I walked away and went no-contact. It was hard, but there is currently no cure or even really treatment for NPD. I was on a sinking ship. I am not at all saying that is what you're dealing with, but a mental illness or personality disorder of some other kind could be at play.
It sounds like you have done a lot for him and I know you love him and feel obligated. But if he hurts you, you owe him nothing.
Hi Lucy, I always suggest looking at patterns of behavior
Submitted by daizzebelle on
rather than seeking to diagnose him. If he's hurting you that is not acceptable no matter what type of problem(s) he has.
My Ex tried to excuse his behavior by claiming that he couldn't help his actions because he had bipolar disorder. It turned out that he did not actually have bipolar disorder, but there is *no* excuse for hurting others. Lundy talks a lot about this in his book Why Does He Do That? Abusers offer many excuses for their behavior. It is quite rare to find an abuser who takes accountability for his wrongdoing and does the hard work to change his behavior.
You deserve better. You are not selfish for wanting a better life. Stay safe.
Thank you for your concern. I
Submitted by teary lucy on
Thank you for your concern. I have contacted some DV organizations and I got some responses like you have just mentioned. Some degree, I agree but some, no. More and more, many medical reports show that ADHD brain's differentiations compare to non ADHD brain and their conclusion is ADHD is brain disorder. If the brain has a not normal structure which causes ADHD symptoms, how can I just blame him? According to Dr Amen, there are 7 types of ADD (a little bit different from ADHD) and my husband would be TYPE 4: TEMPORAL LOBE ADD - People with this type of ADD have the hallmark features of ADD plus symptoms associated with temporal lobe problems, such as issues with learning, memory, mood instability, aggression, temper outbursts, and sometimes, even violence. It is not unusual to see this type of ADD in people who have had head injuries.
Again, he has not diagnosed correctly so may have different issues such as borderline personality disorder ot bipolar or little bit of everything. What makes me extremely frustrated is that it is so hard to find a reliable doctor. There is a Dr Amen clinic near by but they do not take any insurance and I have heard his imaging cost $3500 plus a beginning consultation cost and would be much more, and we even don't know it works or not. I even can't explain how frustrated I am...
I am glad you got out of your abusive ex safe. I am safe, he is calm now and this is always out pattern...
Hi Lucy, that does sound very frustrating...
Submitted by daizzebelle on
Perhaps for now he could take on the responsibility of finding a doctor to evaluate him. It sounds as though you have tried very hard to do this for him...and you are worn out and you need a break.
Teary Lucy, there are many
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Teary Lucy, there are many negative behaviors, such as sex addiction, sociopathy, and narcissism, that might be related to brain issues. And there are also brain issues, such as bipolar disorder, ADHD, schizophrenia, and epilepsy, that can result in negative behaviors. The biggest obligation of people who are the targets of the negative behaviors is to protect themselves, particularly if the person engaging in the negative behavior is not taking care of himself or herself to attempt to prevent the negative behavior. Having a brain disorder is not a free pass to harm other people.
Neurologist or neuropsychiatrist
Submitted by triedandtrue on
Teary Lucy, the others are correct - put on your own oxygen mask first (by seeking help at women's shelters, etc.) before trying to help your husband. Nurse practitioners are not qualified to diagnose and treat your husband. He needs a neurologist or neuropsychiatrist. Which state do you live in?
We can diagnose and treat adults with the condition.
Submitted by repeat that please on
"Nurse practitioners care. Some of us even have ADHD and understand your challenges firsthand. We can diagnose and treat adults with the condition.
BY SANDRA BOEBEL, MSN, PMHNP-BC
As a nurse practitioner, not only did I learn the pathophysiology and psychopharmacological and other treatments for ADHD in graduate school at the University of Rochester, but, like any other specialists, I continue to educate myself on the diagnosis and treatment of ADHD."
Thank you :) I think I am
Submitted by teary lucy on
Thank you :) I think I am better now, venting a lot on this page. That helps. I do playing and training with my dog, try to go some coffee with my good friends, etc. I do what I can to keep my brain functional.
I am in Washington state. Have you read my post on a previous person regards to ADHD/ADD brain? I do want that kind of test on him. Then we/he could go counseling or medications or something based on what shows up. More and more, I research and compare what he does, he falls into many of those symptoms/criteria - what he does when he is frustrated, his fast moving brain , and a few concussion episodes since he was born. He dropped from his mother's arms accidentally when he was a toddler, seems like he hit his head but no bleeding or nothing from outside. If he is more likely BPD, then it could be a different story - I heard that BPD comes more from mental abuse plus some brain dysfunction in a different way from ADHD. Some doctors say that mental abuse from childhood could cause some brain damages.
I am just wondering if there are some people on this site have some expediences about brain imaging or MRI for mental issues...? I wouldlove to hear that.
educate yourself
Submitted by repeat that please on
Dr. Hallowell on the Today show discussing Adult ADHD
While ADHD tends to be associated with childhood, we’ve learned that it is far more widespread among adults than previously understood. While there are some children with ADHD who will outgrow it, we now know that the vast majority will not. Listed below are criteria for adult ADHD that we developed from our clinical experience:
A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished).
Difficulty getting organized.
Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through.
A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
A frequent search for high stimulation.
An intolerance of boredom.
Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times.
Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent
Trouble in going through established channels and following “proper” procedure.
Impatient; low tolerance of frustration.
Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money.
Changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans and the like; hot-tempered.
A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with attention to or disregard for actual dangers.
A sense of insecurity.
Mood swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or a project.
Physical or cognitive restlessness.
A tendency toward addictive behavior.
Chronic problems with self-esteem.
Inaccurate self-observation.
Family history of ADHD or manic depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood.
Recognizing and treating ADHD is just as important for adults as it is for children, as it has a wide ranging impact in careers, marriages and families.
Keep learning about ADHD! Some good places to start:
Our ADHD overview page has a lot of helpful information, and is a good starting place
Treatments for ADHD describes our recommended strategies for successfully adjusting to and coping with ADD/ADHD.
Delivered From Distraction is one of the best introductions to ADD available
The Top 10 questions about ADHD
The Top 10 newest findings about ADHD
It's dangerous to ignore the reality...
Submitted by c ur self on
Hi Lucy, I suggest you deal with reality of the relationship...The anger, the inability to communicate...Forget the why's, (evil spirits, mental illness, etc) they don't matter when it comes to your safety. Many high level add people who want seek treatment (denial) are very difficult to live with...They want take responsibility for their behaviors...So when a person (any of us) refuses to deal with their dysfunctional and abusive life style, we should not subject ourselves to it....
You have identified the common cycle of someone who is angry, abusive and in denial....They want to control every aspect of life...They will get verbally abusive in the drop of hat, which only escalates to more dangerous abuse, when you fight back or respond to them....They are stone walls in heart and mind, will hardly ever repent or apologize for their behavior...Always leaving their spouse to break the ice....Will seem civil again as long as they didn't have to recognize their sin and abuse....
People like I'm describing here, have to be accepted, and left alone....YOU CAN NOT SHARE WITH THEM, THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF UNITY....Or, you have to get out of their presents....
I will pray for you and your situation Lucy....There has to be boundaries, and they have to be respected by both spouses when you can't communicate....You can never think for him, or force him to think like you...If he isn't willing to go to counseling and respect boundaries then your situation is bleak and dangerous....God can change us, but, we must see our need, and cry out....
c
Thank you for your thoughts
Submitted by teary lucy on
Thank you for your thoughts and concern. It is interesting since my thoughts are changing from the beginning of this post. Thanks to people who listened and still are listening.
He has agreed to go to counselings or doctors for this issue we have been having but just we have no luck yet and got more and more frustrated, and here we are. I don't think he thinks he could control me. I know I can't force him what to do. Then we just have been frustrated because we tried and tried but have not found a solution yet.
I have a boundary and he won't cross it as long as I don't cross his. I think we need some separate time to be left alone from each other.
You are not alone in this...It's the way of the world....
Submitted by c ur self on
(Then we just have been frustrated because we tried and tried but have not found a solution yet.)
It's difficult to give advice on this site, because all of our situations are a little different...But we try....The one common thing that I have found to be responsible for most of our problems, is the mind (how we think, and what we justify or believe is right)....Many people have the best of intentions...They are sincere...But in reality, much of the time, they are sincerely wrong.....So the fights start, and as you stated it above, the frustration starts from not be able to get our relationships right....
Blessings Lucy, I have prayed for you and your spouse...I'm glad he is willing to go to counseling, and work on you guy's marriage....
The only thing that I will add is....When it comes to my wife and I....There are such strong feelings pulling in different directs (many are breed in things from our youth, others are life time habits surrounding add related things, like just hoarding messy stuff, and her hate of domestic things, it forces me to let it go, accept it's never going to be any different...And others are just selfish wants, by the both of us....If we both truly care, we will just respect each others boundaries, and keep the peace when we are together...And keep our focus on the things that are good and lovely...We shouldn't waste the good days we are blessed with, fussing and fighting....That has to die....But it's a heart thing....
I've come to this place in my own life.....I have thoughts that come out of my mind, that I can and do justify....She has thoughts that form in her mind, that she pushes, and justifies....They will usually always be selfish in nature...What's good for me?....But then I feel there is a master plan, that isn't formed in the minds of men or women...It's a perfect way for imperfect people....And it only comes through our creator...And I am finding out, when I start my day's laying down my thoughts and my ways, and seek his ways...I can start experiencing a peaceful and abundant life, that I have so angrily and bitterly sought and pushed for, from my wife...But it was based on my own thoughts, and thinking, and that is just and illusion, and would have only taken me to my grave still searching, still blaming, still unfulfilled....
I have to accept my and her limitations as the humans we are, and are going to justify being if we are breathing...(What is possible?)...And just set boundaries for the intrusive and unacceptable....And let Grace and Forgiveness overwhelm my selfishness....It takes him;)
c
Thanks again for your
Submitted by teary lucy on
Thanks again for your thoughts.
Things are much more settling here now and I am more peace. Venting, thinking, taking my mind back to myself is my status at this point. I can talk to my husband and he responds.
I still have an unsettling frustration towards to this issue though. I do understand the need for the boundaries for both sides, there is no excuse for the violence and abuse, and more issues. At the same time, the stigma around any mental issues is another hard thing to deal with. If people think about mental illness as... something like diabetic or cancer or something like that. (I don't mean having those illness is better thought.) Nobody gets mad at anyone because he/she has adiabatic but people usually treat people who have mental illnesses negatively. And that affects not only the person, people around the person who has a mental illness. Often times, that adds more fire into the situation.
I have a friend whose grandson has extreme sensory sensitive issues. He has a hard time stay in a school bus without screaming. He often gets frustrated, agitated, irritable and becomes a mean kid. One point, he could not join his school bus, then found out about this issue. Now he is 10, I think. He gets counseling from school and private, his teachers including a principal at the school are very supportive. He can stay calm more longer. When he flips out, he needs to stay out from the situation until he calms down and his parents or my friend talk to him and make sure what is an appropriate behavior or not. When he is good, everyone cheers him up. There are so many support and help for kids nowadays which is wonderful. But my husband's time, there was none. Then more and more, he gets frustrated, build up his defense mechanism and repeat. Not only his mental issues, more later on physiological issues are added and he has not got any success yet how to treat them. Then here we are.
I sometimes go to this site Bring Change to Mind. Safety is an important issue but if people can be a little more open minded and go beyond stigma, things would change.
My husband of course, has a sleeping issues. A doctor he used to have gave him some ambiance. He took more than he should've, thank God, he didn't go anywhere but looked like very drunk. He doesn't drink because he gets headache so I knew it was that med. When I was taking him to the bedroom, he mumbled to me, "Honey, I am a monster, you know..." I don't remember we had a fight before that but this memory still makes me extremely sad. Of course he didn't remember what he said though.
I guess this is a journey I was not planning but gives me so many thinkings, hoping I can grow as a human.
Thanks everyone for listening to me. Wishing you all peace and happiness and hope :)