I am fairly certain my husband has undiagnosed and untreated ADHD. I could explain all the valid reasons why, but please trust me.
I am also currently going through IVF and have just had my second chemical pregnancy (an early miscarriage)
This is a very hard time for me needless to say. My husband has been unsupportive and downright emotionally abusive. I don't know what to do. He has said for months he agrees that he has a problem and will seek help, but he hasn't. Oftentimes he'll say he doesn't actually have a problem. Other times he'll say he is the worst person and get extremely down on himself and leave me, crying and scared. He did that today, and I literally just found out about my 2nd chemical pregnancy. I am grieving and dealing with that.
I don't know why I am posting. I am very scared and alone and don't know what to do.
It's OK to post.....
Submitted by c ur self on
Many times the light comes on for me (what I should be doing) when I go back and read my own posts.....I hope it helps you to see reality written down.....
I suggest you completely walk away from the IVF process until you see if he will be a fit husband...There are plenty of add/adhd doctors and Counselors now days...The last thing you need is children and no help...Keep reading on this site...There are plenty of women who have had to be the work horse in the family, because of little to no help...Not to mention the emotional tool from the intrusive and abusive behaviors....
Step back and breathe, and take care of yourself...Don't rush into anything you may regret....He needs live in a way that you can have confidence in him as a husband, and future Father.....
c
Welcome, Scaredandalone.
Submitted by AdeleS6845 on
This is a very emotional time for you, and I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how you feel .
I am in agreement with C. You should put IVF on hold for now. I don't think it's good to bring a child into a relationship where emotional abuse is involved. Speaking from experience, it will only make things more difficult.
Bringing a child into an ADHD relationship
Submitted by 1Melody1 on
Hi Scaredandalone. I am so sorry about your miscarriage. That is devastating. :'(
The last thing you need right now is more stress... take care of yourself, whatever that means for you. Put yourself first and feel what you need to feel. What a sad time for you. :( And after that, absolutely I agree with the other responders... it's probably time to seriously evaluate if your husband would make a good co-parent. I can tell you that my ADHD husband is a terrible parent. I often feel my daughter would be better off without him in her life at all. His inability to support anyone's needs except his own hurts her deeply. She feels unloved by him and it is gut-wrenching to watch her hurt in the same ways I have been hurt by him. The work of parenting falls almost entirely to me and it has been hard to do it alone. Having said that, my daughter is the best part of my life. I am happy to do it all for her as exhausted as I am. I feel from your post like perhaps you are very ready to be a mom. You shouldn't miss out on that if that's what you want (man, it's fantastic!). But honestly, you may be better going it alone or opening yourself up to a new relationship (if you're young) than having a child with someone who is going to continue hurting you emotionally and your child. When my husband hurls hurtful words at my daughter, it is a terrible pain far beyond what I feel when he says something hurtful to me. I can't wait to be free of him (when she's finally old enough that I wouldn't have to share custody with my husband... someone who can barely take care of himself.). Once you bring a child into a relationship, you are bound to that person in some way forever. Really think about if you want that. Maybe you can even speak to a therapist who could help you talk through your feelings.
So sorry again for your loss and the lack of support from your husband. Hopefully you have someone else you can turn to who will be there for you right now. I watched my SIL go through years of IVF. It really took a toll on her body, her emotional state (and her finances). Please be extra kind to yourself right now. All the best.
Thinking of you and wishing good things for you
Submitted by Angie_H on
Hi, scaredandalone,
I hope you are not truly alone, that you have family or close friends who can give you the support you need at this difficult time. You have been on my mind. I had difficulty getting pregnant, and I cried every month when I found I was not pregnant. You've probably suffered through all the usual advice - just relax, gain weight, lose weight, have a glass of wine, etc. I hope that, in the time since you posted, things are not looking so grim. I wish good things for you.
All the best,
Angie
Hi there, I'm so sorry you
Submitted by Ceemo22 (not verified) on
Hi there, I'm so sorry you are going through this. My H was the nicest man I had ever met, until he wasn't. When I learned that he wasn't, he quickly became one of the meanest people I had ever met in my life. To make matters worse, he didn't let his true colors show until I became pregnant. Please take my advice with a grain of salt, and understand that I know that things are much easier said than done. If I could see my life now and could have seen the last 14 years of my life before deciding to have children with this man, I would have ran for the hills. The amount of emotional abuse that I have endured is something that I wouldn't wish on anyone. This same behavior will be directed towards your kids, and even worse is that your kids could have side effects of living in this kind of environment. I recently put my 12 year old in counseling to sort out the emotional abuse he has endured, as he is now depressed and has anxiety. He has a multitude of issues at school as well, and it's my personal opinion that most of his issues are learned behaviors.
I would suggest waiting to try and get pregnant again if he's currently abusing you and not taking responsibility for himself. Give yourself the chance to better your situation before bringing a child into the scenario. I wish you the best of luck!
I totally agree
Submitted by Exhausted44 on
I second everything she said!
My advice
Submitted by Exhausted44 on
From someone who has been married to an untreated adhd spouse for 22 years- we have six kids. Get out now. It only gets worse when you have kids. He will use your kids against you, talk bad about you in front of them and the list goes on and on. Don’t stand for it.