I am a 50 year old female diagnosed with ADD six years ago. Before that, my husband had a difficult time understanding and tolerating my forgetfulness. I went on medication for a few years but had to see a psychiatrist once a month for a prescription. I stopped seeing the psych and taking the meds because my husband complained about the expense and we didn’t think it was really helping any. A few years later, i asked my primary care physician for a script, but the one he prescribed made me very irritable and did not seem to be really helping either. So i stopped. Now that i am perimenopausal, my forgetfulness is getting worse. For the most part, i am on top of things. We have a 13 year old daughter and i schedule everything pertaining to her - appointments, extracurricular activities, parent teacher conferences, tutoring, etc. We also have a small farm and i do everything pertaining to the four horses we own - keeping track of vet visits, shoes, exercising them, etc. In addition to managing the household and our 19 year old son who is in college.

I forget parts of conversations my husband and i have. It is usually small stuff but it enrages him when i forget something and i try to explain what happened. I don’t know if he thinks i am doing it on purpose or if i am arguing with him but he doesn’t want to hear any excuses. After a particularly bad week, he texted me (while i was away at my niece’s wedding) to say if we went on this way, our marriage would be destroyed. I suggested we use a joint calendar and he said no, it won’t help. He also said i needed to grow up and stop making excuses (when i said, my ADD and nearing menopause was making my memory worse). So, i have scheduled an appointment with a therapist and a psychiatrist to go back on meds.

My fear is the meds, my writing everything down and seeing a psych and therapist will help a little but won’t cure me and we will end up in divorce anyway. 

I do not know what else to do. He is not very tolerant and he only wants me to put myself in his shoes but can’t put himself in my shoes.

Any suggestions. He says he will go to therapy but in the past, he’s thought therapy was a shame and I will be shocked if he follows through.