Submitted by un12720 on 09/25/2019.
previously, I had posted under the topic of 'morning rage' and received many helpful responses.
Now, another observation..morning trance...really it appears as if my H is just NOT present, not mindful of his surroundings, activities, etc. it is as if he is sleep-walking.
Another question..how common is preservation in ADHD folks? It seems as though H doesn't know when to quit.. whether he is being funny or nasty or erudite.
any thoughts?
Un
Not being present is common for many mind types.....
Submitted by c ur self on
I do that....I get lost in thought....I get hung up on thoughts....I will find myself working out the ***details of something*** in deep trance like thought....It's mostly when I'm tired or listening to someone speak about a subject that has my attention...What happen's is the conversation or lecture might move on, while my mind is spinning scenarios concerning the one subject that my thought patterns locked onto...Then once I become an active listener again (trance breaks) I'm playing catch up....
I might be adhd at some level...
Not knowing when to quit...I see that in many people, I'm not sure how it relates to adhd, but, I've seen it in adhd folks now that you mention it......Much of what I've experienced in this dynamic is that a lot of this type behaviors (subject matter) shouldn't have ever started in the first place....It's a form of bullying to me.....Disrespectful of others....
c
Hyperactivity in adult ADHD
Submitted by Sollertiae on
Hyperactivity in adult ADHD is usually in the mind, less so in body. That translates into the brain being so busy that they look 'absent' ... this is the inattentive part. Sometimes, if stressed or bored, you'll find those with ADHD will simply turn inwards towards this hyperactivity for entertainment as their mental landscape is very vivid. That is probably what he is doing for some reason or another. Absolutely a normal part of functioning.
Friend of mine with ADHD made the comment of 'we are exceptionally stubborn. Once locked on target we will not shift.' ADHD is a disorder of executive function - either too little attention or too much. There is no ability to find a happy middle ground. When they hyper focus nothing will turn them aside, even being wrong, nor the low possibility of perfection. Basically perseverance will continue until they lose focus, it breaks or something deviates... and logic is not a thing to deviate this either.
In terms of conversation well.... even without comorbidities, you will find many people have 'pressured speech', where they cannot deviate until what is in their mind is out, no matter how inappropriate. My partner describes it like someone is scraping his brain with sand paper, only relieved by talking. Many people with ADHD report that they talk continuously to themselves even when alone, or sing. ADHD also means that often they are desperate to get a whole point out before they get distracted and forget. God help you if it is on an impulse.
Sollertiae....
Submitted by c ur self on
Your comment here is about as dead on (In my opinion and experience) as anything I've read any where....
c
:)
Submitted by Sollertiae on
Knowledge is power! Knowledge of what 'executive dysfunction' looks like in reality is the best. Knowing all I have to do is encourage and survive the rush of pressured speech to be able to contribute is fab. Realising that hyperfocus is not just for hobbies but anything a person actively is able to engage in, helps when it goes wrong - the utter futility of interrupting and debating until after because you are basically trying to talk to someone who is locked on like a laser and getting a massive endorphin rush.
What happened in my mind at the point I finished your post....
Submitted by c ur self on
Was...***Understanding***....Speaking for myself here....The process of lived out life in my marriage, created a dynamic of total misunderstanding...When nuggets of light filter in, that I can relate to because I am living it (my mind's working)...Or I'm experiencing it in action (my wife's mind)....I find myself thankful in those moments for the revelation that brings that gift of Understanding.....
Because I have learned that there is a pretty high price that is paid for these truths to get exposed....If nothing else it takes multiple people swallowing their pride, (denial can't be part of who they are in those moments) so they can admit openly the working of their minds....And the world (most of us) has made sure these mind types understand one thing; they are the one's who are messed up!...So when the heart of a person is strong enough to be self aware, and openly discuss their thought patterns, strengths and limitations, as it relates to relationships and communication, that is such a gift....Because anyone who has been married (for any length of time) to a man or women where this lack of understanding, lack of an ability to communicate exists, they know how to appreciate any ray of light when it comes to ***Understanding***
Thanks again!
c
<3
Submitted by Sollertiae on
Thank you, I appreciate your comment even more. Understanding is something of extraordinary value and you are right, all too often it is something that can only be hard won through trial and error, especially when working from a place where error has held sway on all sides for so long.
...and the world (most of us) has made sure these mind types understand one thing; they are the one's who are messed up!...So when the heart of a person is strong enough to be self aware, and openly discuss their thought patterns, strengths and limitations, as it relates to relationships and communication, that is such a gift
If there is one thing I have learnt from this board, yours and others' comments, is how very important it is to maintain a space where such communication can happen safely. Because once gone, it is so very hard to get back. I can only admire my partner for having the courage to keep trying to open up and not hide who he is, which encourages me to take the time to learn how to hear him - which is why I spend a lot of time on twitter, YouTube, Instagram, with friends etc listening to the younger educators who have ADHD trying to teach people to understand their own symptoms, and also allowing me those precious nuggets of clarity and understanding.