Submitted by raspberry on 02/23/2008.
What is the prognosis for untreated ADHD for older men?
My husband is in his mid-fifties, was diagnosed with rather severe ADHD about 15 years ago, and has refused treatment. At first he did try to understand some things about his ADHD and made efforts to learn to be more focused, which he thinks is about all he needed to do. We are approaching our older years and he seems to be getting worse in many ways: more forgetful, irritable, angry/short-tempered, unwilling to listen or participate in the marriage, I could go on. He only will do anything if he “feels like it” which of course nobody ever feels like taking out the garbage or feeding the dogs. I am reluctant to have the grandchildren around him because he might yell at them for no reason, just because he is frustrated with something. I think he is getting worse, but it may be just that my patience is wearing thinner. Here is my question: as an untreated individual approaches older years, are they likely to become worse, better or stay about the same? I realize that every case is different and I am asking for a rather specific answer for a generalized question. Thanks for your help and for this website.
add in older adults
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on
I'm not concentrating, I'm hyperfocussing!
Submitted by tiddletaddle on
what to focus on
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
Thanks for writing this - I'm going to put up a blog post about focusing and not focusing with ADD because I think this is a really important point that people without ADD need to see from a different perspective...look to the main page for "what lack of focus means with ADD".
Melissa Orlov
older men
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
It seems as if you are looking for a medical explanation and, not being a doctor, I can't give you one. I do notice from my own life that we all change when we get older and that laughter is often a very good way to handle some of the indignities that we have to start to endure (memory lapses being a biggie for many people - including me. My teenage son gleefully tells everyone I now own a swiss cheese brain). In addition, the brain changes as we age so that we become more inflexible and less able to deal with change and spontanaeity (really! And you just thought your old grandfather was crotchety!)
Your grandchildren will survive if your husband yells at them, and it is easy enough to say "Grandpa's not having a good day today" if they seem to be upset. It would be a shame if your fear of his yelling at them keeps them from a.) getting to know him and b.) your getting to see them as much as you want. Besides, grandkids (at least in small doses) can be great fun - something it sounds like you both need. Perhaps you can use grandchildren visits as a way for both of you to do something fun together (ask your husband to contribute ideas to this one if you don't want to feel as if you are dragging him around with you all the time!)
If you genuinely feel as if he is retreating from doing the things that he used to do (did he used to take out the garbage, or is this a new assignment?) then you should certainly speak out. You might also suggest he speak with a doctor...is there a chance he might be depressed? On the other hand, sometimes loving someone means letting them be and laughing off the foibles. It all depends upon who you are, and how you have been together all these years.
Make sure, too, that a fear of what retirement might look like isn't coloring your picture of your husband's behavior (or, for that matter, coloring his). Some low-key time to talk about what your future might look like and what dreams you both still have might be appropriate at this time.
Hope this helps.
Melissa Orlov